Victim blaming or blog stalking?


I find in interesting to read the comments that are left on the blog. Some are meant for me, some are in response to other readers and their comments. Regardless, I’ve always taken an interest in how people relate to one another, how they respond, and how they perceive events.

It’s always been amazing to me how two people can witness the same event and walk away with very different interpretations of the events. How two people can witness a woman attacked, and one will see her as a helpless victim and try to help her up, while others will see her as having deserved it, and contribute to keeping her down. Interesting indeed.

I received this comment on the blog last weekend from a reader named “Kate” who says, in response to my “sermons from Facebook” post:

You are kidding yourself. No, you’re not responsible for the chivld coming into this world. But your husband is. Period. End of story. And it’s obvious you’re relishing the fact that he chose your kids over this poor little girl. Congratulations! You won. And the man you won is a miserable coward. You are responsible for depriving this innocent child of her father because you are selfish and insecure and won’t let go of his balls. Grow up! The fact that the OW is unstable does not justify your husband’s shirking histories parental duty. Rather, his involvement is all the more important. Your blog is a disgusting manifestation of ego and rage. I hope I never run across it again. Take it down. Get over yourself. Get a life. And encourage your husband to man up and be a father to this poor child You repulse me!

Wow. Amazing how her interpretation is that I somehow have ANY influence over my husband’s decision to see or know the child they created. Does she actually think that I prohibit him? Does she think that he wants a relationship and the only thing preventing it is me? Really? Where on this entire blog does it read that I wish for him to remain outside of her life and that I will steadfastly refuse him to have a relationship with his “daughter”? How did she come to THAT twisted interpretation?

Am I “relishing the fact that my husband chose my children over hers”? I’d be lying to say I am not pleased that he is honoring his commitment to the children he created in matrimony. Of course I am pleased he didn’t leave thm and chose to remain the same loyal and devoted dad to them. Of course I am pleased that I didn’t lose my family. Of course I am pleased that he chose to honor his family over a life with a whore. But I am pleased that my children have the father that their father at the expense of her loss? No. I don’t think a child should be fatherless. But, I also don’t think that women should target and sleep with married men and then stop their pill and suggest unsafe sex in order to get pregnant in the hope that it will win her the prize either. I don’t think a child should grow up without her father in her life, but I also don’t think that a grown, mature woman should stalk the wife of the man she is looking to steal, make snide comments about her, make up lies and false lawsuits to gain money and extort funds from an innocent family and call the police on a wife whose only “crime” is trusting her husband.

See, there are a lot of things that I think shouldn’t happen…but they do, and I have no more influence over HIS decision to not see this child than I do over world poverty.

My husband told his whore long ago, before I was even made aware, that he had no intentions of being present in the child’s life. He didn’t want the whore to have a delusional fantasy that they would start a new life together. He wanted it to be quite clear to her what the picture would look like if she chose to have his child out of spite. He made this decision independent of me, and voiced it to her long before I even knew.
So how exactly did I influence it if he told her himself that this was his intention?

“The man you won is a miserable coward”. This is a three parter, so lets tackle it that way:

Firstly, he isn’t something I won. I already had him. I wasn’t in a contest to win a prize. I am MARRIED to him and “won” his heart a long time ago. He wasn’t up for auction, or something I had to sway to be with me. He always was. You can’t win what is already yours to begin with.

Secondly, he isn’t miserable. He was in the beginning when the news first broke to me because he feared losing our family. Our family is the world to him, and we are his home. He has fought to reclaim us entirely and to prove himself worthy of us. He is far from miserable today. We are thriving, our children are growing and healthy, our marriage is strong and we are back to trust again. I’ve forgiven him, which was a long process, but he hasn’t forgiven himself. It is a scar he will always bear, but sweetheart, he isn’t miserable.

Thirdly, he is the furthest thing from a coward. He chose to tell me. That took strength and honesty. That took risk and integrity. He attended therapy, told my parents, apologized to my family, took it on the chin in shame for years, never once blaming me. He was my hero through the pain I felt. Coward? Hardly. The coward is the woman who continues to try and extort money from our family, who sends ridiculous and uninsightful emails to our lawyer using terms she scarcely understands, about concepts she is too stupid to wrap her feeble mind around. Cowardly is the woman who has to stalk and lurk in shadows. Cowardly is the woman who needs to try and steal another woman’s husband. Cowardly is creating false lawsuits and police claims to cause harm to someone out of jealousy. Cowardly is not having the strength to do the honorable thing and apologize to the woman whose life you turned upside down and ask for forgiveness. THAT is the coward.

“You are selfish, insecure, and won’t let go of his balls”

I’m selfish how? Because I want my family? Because I want my husband? Fighting for my family makes me selfish? How am I insecure? I’ve stood up and fought the fight of my life. I’ve defended my marriage. I’ve risked everything and claimed it back. I’ve seen the deepest and darkest places of pain and come out the other side. I am confident, self assured and deserving of every happiness that comes to me because I have fought for it and earned it. Insecure? Hardly. Insecure is the woman who steals a man because she doesn’t think she can be loved honestly or have the confidence to obtain a partner in an way free of lies, deceit and manipulation.

How is my blog a manifestation of ego and rage? If by ego, you mean that it’s “all about me”, you’re right…it is. It’s my blog and it tells my story. As for the rage…have someone come and do to you what has been done to me, and see how rage-filled you become. Thankfully my angry days are behind me. Instead I choose to forgive and wish happiness on those who wrong me. Their behavior speaks to a desperate need for more due to emptiness. Anger won’t solve their issues. All I can do is focus on me and wish her well. Rage? Once, yes. Rage no longer serves me. In fact, it never did…it just held me back.

As for “encouraging my husband to man up and be a father to his child”, I play no role in his choice. There are men who avoid child support. They refuse to pay or underpay. They disregard the children as their own and watch their kids fed with food stamps and dressed in secondhand clothes and do nothing about it. They watch their children deprived of food, clothes, a decent living, knowing that they could contribute. THEY need to man-up. My husband pays $4k PER MONTH for a child who doesn’t cost 1/4 of that. With his payment, that child can wear the best clothes, live in the best area and home, and have access to resources these deadbeat dads deprive their children of. Aside from meeting her, my husband makes sure she has more than enough. He’s meeting his obligation and beyond. He just hasn’t met her. It’s ok…the OW only wants his money, she doesn’t want him in her life and demanded sole custody.

I “repulse” this reader. Like telling a rape victim that she “deserved it”, or a mother whose child died of cancer that “she had it coming to her, this reader reads my story of victimization, betrayal, strength, perseverance, hope, work, support and strength and somehow feels repulsed by me? Interesting indeed….something tells me her name isn’t “Kate” if you know what I mean ;)

Anyone who says that has to be personally angry with me. I can only wonder why….nah, don’t care.

So, what are your thoughts on this laughable comment?

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Comments

  1. first thought? kate has a baby to another womans husband…

    if not that, who knows? we know better than many how people can act in ridiculous ways… that comment came from a problem she has in her life. nothing to do with you but she decided to project. im actually a bit annoyed on your behalf for having received that.

    • OH WAIT? Is it possible that the OW might have found your blog by mistake? and might be posting comment?
      Just a random thought. I know. like if she ever found your blog, she will file another lawsuit on you for I don’t know what charges.
      Hey RMM, isn’t there any way we could chat with you or leave you msgs or something? bcuz using comments section for dialogue with you seems wrong bcuz comments section is strictly meant for the respective article.

      The fact that you are receing these comments are further proof that your blog is brilliant. and it has hit a nerve of women who roam around with MM. and try to hurt the wife in an attempt to give themselves false satisfaction.

      Seriously, this comment doesn’t even deserve a tiny space in your blog. It was really sad that you had to write a post on it.

  2. i agree with you–it’s laughable as well as a display of gross ignorance.

  3. dotcablogger says:

    Just delete “Kate’s” comment. Her opinion doesn’t help you or any other woman who has been cheated on. And her comment aggressively refuses sympathy to you or any other woman who had to face the mistress choosing to not use birth control and in choosing to get pregnant from your husband or from their husbands. Birth control for women is supposed to make women not get pregnant from sex with a man where the relationship with him is only causal, short term, or in cases where it’s a low-life affair and the man is married and already has kids from that marriage and he states that he won’t be a father to another one from her.

  4. It appears to me that she is either the “OW” that you are talking about or another OW that has tried the same games and is angry because it didn’t work.

    Of course, she could just be someone who is angry because the father of her child isn’t in her child’s life but that doesn’t seem as likely as the first two possibilities I listed.

  5. dotcablogger says:

    Also your husband or attached men who make a mistake in having an affair and then additionally having to face the choice of the mistress in getting pregnant and in having that baby makes the mistake harsher. The birth of a child from an affair is the woman’s or mistresses choice.

    She could have chosen abortion because it’s legal in her country or she could have stuck with birth control and not have gotten pregnant at all. The married man has no choice when the woman, the mistress, chooses pregnancy and to have that baby. He has to defer to her choice because her body is hers to get pregnant or do with as she chooses. So again he and she live in a country where women have the sole right to her body and that includes the right to solely chose to get pregnant and to continue or end that pregnancy.

    Men who have an affair often are men who make a mistake. So they’re not cowards. Instead they’re guys who make a mistake and guys who want to retract it, or repair, and then move on.

  6. Georgie says:

    Love love love your response!!!! She has obviously NEVER been hurt like this, because if she had, she would never have said it! You go girl, I adore your blog and it helps me with my pain

  7. dotcablogger says:

    Also the OW that your husband now pays child support to refused and never wanted to share custody of the child with him. So he would have had the legal pain of his lawyer trying to win in court shared custody for him. She would have had her lawyer fight his lawyer to keep him just as financial support. She only wanted his money and not face him with a parental right. She never wanted to face having to work and compromise with him as he made decisions in their shared parenting. She didn’t want to share parental control. She just wanted sole control.

  8. Sounds like a vicious OW perhaps? It reminds me of some who are atheists who prowl around on Christian sites just to stir the pot.

    I am thankful for your dignified reply!

  9. WaitingForKarma says:

    Like many of the previous replies, I too believe that “Kate” is herself the OW in an affair. She is ranting because she lost the sick game she decided to play, and wasn’t able to entrap someone else’s husband by purposefully getting pregnant.
    I truly appreciate your blog and the insight you have given. There are very few sites/blogs that address the struggles of not only surviving an affair, but of an affair that has produced a child. It does give me hope.
    I still struggle with the anger even two years out from D-Day and the complete stupidity of my husband deciding that it was okay to have unprotected sex with this someone other than me. But, that is my struggle to work through, and I digress. I just wanted to say: I think that you verbalized an eloquent retort to this OW’s misperception.

  10. Vicious OW – or witch indeed ! … It sounds like the very same repulsive vitriol spit at me by our depraved sperm stalker. (Who still isn’t over her losing “her prize” for the last 12 years)
    My husband is “a miserable coward”…. because he would not leave me for her and her ‘precious” spawn. Despite how clever she was in deceiving him and exploiting the situation.
    “Get over yourself” and “Get a life”…. she hurled the very same words of hate and jealousy at me too for asking questions. It’s amazing how they all REACT alike. Odds are 10-1 that that is our miscreant projecting her RAGE and bruised EGO on you ! Whoring Sociopaths don’t understand what LOVE or INTEGRITY is ….or what those words mean. And clearly they don’t know how to give LOVE or be loving. They have no conscience or remorse. Love in their world is them getting what they want… Love is just a word or “tool” for them, used to manipulate others.
    Evil is always repulsed by goodness and other graces of a Godly heart.

  11. Oh dear. I, too, had a couple of comments like this, from my contact page and a few RIDICULOUS forums. My thoughts are, and you are right, they have NEVER had this happen to them OR they had a completely dishonorable husband who left for the whore, OR the women who make such comments are pole-dancers. There is no other explanation. I admire your strength, resolve, and ability to put it all so eloquently into words! A “coward” would keep it hidden forever. Rest assured, our husbands are far from cowards. But guess what? The whores were and always will be whores. I adore you!!!

  12. “I’ve seen the deepest and darkest places of pain and come out the other side. I am confident, self assured and deserving of every happiness that comes to me because I have fought for it and earned it.”

    I love this because it’s so true. In the face of tragedy, you find out who you really are; not just who you always believed yourself to be. You have earned it.

    As for “Kate”, are you sure it isn’t the Sluticia the Whorebag in “disguise”, trying to make trouble again? I suppose there’s no way to know for sure, but considering the depth of her rage-filled response, it sounds personal to me.

    • I hope it is. She can read all she wants and learn what a slutbag whore she is and what our family, and worldwide readers think of her. Disguised…yes she would be. She is the biggest loser coward of them all. Afraid little girl trying to wear big girl panties but too stupid to pull off the act of being a mature person. I couldn’t care any less if it is her. If it is, I suggest she get a bowl of popcorn and a tissue and sit for a while to read.

      • BAHAHAHAHAHA and you say you aren’t still angry!!!!!

        i feel SO sad for you and all the other scorned women on here who just live with such hate and bitterness and accept it as the best they’re gonna get, and then DELUDE themselves into thinking that they’ve healed! i feel SO sorry for you that this whole situation happened to you, because THIS is the person you’ve become.

        there is NO excuse for your husband not fighting to see his child. NONE. and keep lying to yourself that you have zero influence on his choice. he knows and has always known that staying on your good side at all costs involves and includes neglecting that little girl. you are low and your choice to sit back at watch this baby grow up without a dad will haunt you at a later point in your life. i pray for your soul and the guilt you’ll be dealing with, then.

        sincerely,

        NOT an “ow”, but someone who has been cheated on, and still is able to maintain REAL compassion and common sense

      • I’m not sure where you are reading anger here. I’m not the least bit angry. I used to be, for sure. I haven’t been angry in a long time. Forgiveness and anger can’t coexist. I chose to forgive my husband and his mistress despite her lack of remorse and ongoing antics. She doesn’t deserve my forgiveness but I deserve to move forward and so I offer it.

        You can feel sad for me all you want to, but you don’t need to. I don’t need sympathy, and I am not seeking anyone’s acknowledgment. Thank you for your prayers, but instead of offering them to me, consider offering them to the OW in both your situation and mine. These women need compassion too. They are obviously very hurt and pained and perhaps need freedom from their own hell. It is my wish that the ow finds her true happiness someday and can put the trauma she helped to inflict behind her and move on in healthier ways, for both her sake and her daughters.

        It is no delusion that my marriage is healed. We’ve worked hard, so if you want to cut that down, invalidate the pain and hard work we’ve been through, that is ok. You haven’t walked my path, and your opinions on whether you think I – a woman you don’t know- is healed or not, is really of no consequence. I don’t believe in the tooth fairy. We are all entitled to our beliefs. You can have yours, and I don’t have to agree with you, nor you with me. The difference is that my opinion is backed with an intimate understanding of my story – something you don’t have, in order to make the opinion worth anything or have validity. So it is no delusion actually, it’s a reality that we have healed. As a coach for others, I can tell you that I would not be able to hold up the others that I do, without having achieved firm ground under my own feet. Consider me deluded if you want to…but I have to ask why it’s easier to consider me deluded than healed? Is it threatening you in some way?

        My husband wasn’t given an opportunity to “fight” for his child. His input into her life isn’t wanted. She just wants a monthly paycheck. You can say I am lying to myself about the influence I have over my husband’s choice, but I can only go by what I am told by him, that this is what he wants. In fact, part of our marital healing was to create trust again, and that meant from both aides. Just because I didn’t cheat doesn’t mean that I don’t have a responsibility to create trust for him as well. We each had to tell the other what we needed from the other in order to feel safe and trusting. Want to know what my final request for trust was? One of my requirements of him was that if he ever felt he wanted a relationship with his daughter in the future that he tell me because, as I said it then, and will repeat now “I don’t ever want to be the reason that you deprive yourself or your daughter of a relationship. If it’s something that you want and don’t go after on account of me, I don’t ever want to be what held you back from something you want in your life, and where this child is concerned, you need to be honest with me if your desires ever change”. He read that and cried. I even offered to adopt the child into my home. I suggested partial custody. Unfortunately this woman is so mentally unstable that any shared arrangement would bring her closer into our lives and make her more intimately connected with us, our home, our lives, our plans and our kids. He doesn’t feel he can risk that safety. Instead he provides monetarily and has since day 1. $4k per month is an insane support payment. That child isn’t “neglected” as you put it. Children starving in Ethiopia with no food, orphaned, with no clothes – THOSE children are neglected. Children who are deprived of the basic necessities of life – THOSE children are neglected. This child receives enough monthly to provide the very best of everything to both her AND her mother, so no one is neglected here. She just doesn’t know her dad, but that doesn’t mean she never will. Current restraining orders prevent contact between the ow and my husband and myself. I’m not haunted by her growing up without a dad. I know many do, and while it isn’t ideal, it isn’t a life sentence for despair. She may be haunted though, and so may my husband, but I surely won’t – I had no part in creating this circumstance.

        You sign off as someone who has “real compassion”. That’s interesting considering your attacks on me, someone you would think you would identify with if you have walked this path….or maybe your compassion takes a while to show up. On the other hand, maybe I am just unable to see it. I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume it’s there ;)

      • dotcablogger says:

        Good for you RMM :). K or Kate is odd. Strange in that she states compassion but is really vitriolic against you and women just like her who have been cheated on. So she’s being an ass to women that she shares a situation with? She also goes on about her compassion and makes it out to you as superior because she clearly wants her own push for adoption to happen despite risk and injury to your and your husband’s kids? Hmmm, this K has something going on in her head. I question any compassion when the lady stating it is being an asshole to women like her who have been in the same situation.

      • dotcablogger says:

        About *K’s* “BAHAHAHAHAHA” post:

        So *K* why are you picking a fight with the other cheated on wives here? Or the cheated on longtime partners? Why are you vitriolic? So I am asking who whizzed in your cereal to make you Miss Bitchy Pants to women here who are in your situation? And you do have the same situation, which is that you have been cheated on.

        So really why alienate these women by acting superior? Are you really superior with your compassion? This compassion is what? You say you feel sorry for a baby conceived from a fucking between your and others husbands with a woman who had fully intended (in the era of birth control, and rigorous education and access to it) to get pregnant by a married or attached man?

        Why are you having the opinion that RMM is deficient to you in that her own husband did consider having paternal rights as a legal father but chose not to? You don’t bother to read RMM’s clear posts about her husband choosing not to be the legal father, which would mean the right to decision-making about the child’s education / or the child’s training?

        You do read that the Other Woman in RMM’s situation of infidelity is clearly APA psychiatric textbook nuts? So she’s dysfunctional by first choosing to not take her birth control pills (and you have to read that in RRM’s blog) to intentionally get pregnant by RMM’s husband. And this Other Woman in RMM’s case also bargained with RMM’s husband to abort the baby in her uterus if he had divorced RMM and had become her legitimate boyfriend. You did try to read that, right?

        And when you did read, you really have the balls to tell RMM and other cheated on women here that you’re superior because your compassion for the Other Child and to have that kid adopted by RMM’S husband is superior?

        RMM’s husband did agonize over adoption. But you don’t feel compassion for him doing that? He also has his and RMM’s children that they had in their union to protect. And, yes, protect because again the Other Woman in RMM’s situation is a stalker, she uses Family Law to get revenge through her gaining money from child support, she also has schemed by trying to use Canada’s human rights laws to hurt RMM’s husband and his business.

        So you did bother to read RMM’s blog about the Other Woman being told by lawyers that she couldn’t open a human rights court case when she had a civil suit opened in the Family courts? Because you had to read RMM’s explanation in her blog that would have been double dipping or using the legal system twice with two legal cases that were similar?

        However, you don’t bother. You simply don’t bother forming compassion for RMM and for her and her husband’s kids that they know they have to protect from the Other Woman. RMM’s husband chose to not be a legal decision-maker for the Other Child only because the Other Woman would have belittled, bitched at and just have been a truly bad person to him, RMM and their kids through daily contact with him as he would have had to be exposed to her as he daily involved himself with the Other Child because of being a legal guardian.

        Hmmm, if you do have kids that you had with your husband, then why do you never consider the priority to protect your own children when the Other Woman is clearly a bad person to her core who would belittle, bitch at, and curse you and your kids daily because your husband chose to daily involve himself as a legal guardian to the Other Child?

        This choice that RMM’s husband did really came down to protecting his and RMM’s kids from the Other Woman by him not becoming a legal guardian who would have been in daily contact with her kid. The Other Child is her mom’s kid, and where this child goes that woman is always there. And she is clearly not a nice person and has made clear that she will hurt RMM’s husband with bitchy drivel and bad attitude toward him and his family, which is RMM and their kids.

        So he can’t be the father because the Other Woman is out to hurt him in any way possible. So this includes being an ass to his kids that he had with RMM.

        And, again, try to have compassion for his choice because it protects his and RMM’s kids from a wicked bitch.

      • dotcablogger says:

        @K

        You wrote:

        ” BAHAHAHAHAHA and you say you aren’t still angry!!!!!

        i feel SO sad for you and all the other scorned women on here who just live with such hate and bitterness and accept it as the best they’re gonna get, and then DELUDE themselves into thinking that they’ve healed! i feel SO sorry for you that this whole situation happened to you, because THIS is the person you’ve become.

        there is NO excuse for your husband not fighting to see his child. NONE. and keep lying to yourself that you have zero influence on his choice. he knows and has always known that staying on your good side at all costs involves and includes neglecting that little girl. you are low and your choice to sit back at watch this baby grow up without a dad will haunt you at a later point in your life. i pray for your soul and the guilt you’ll be dealing with, then.

        sincerely,

        NOT an “ow”, but someone who has been cheated on, and still is able to maintain REAL compassion and common sense.”

        So K why are you picking a fight with the other cheated on wives here? Or the cheated on longtime partners? Why are you vitriolic? So I am asking who whizzed in your cereal to make you Miss Bitchy Pants to women here who are in your situation? And you do have the same situation, which is that you have been cheated on.

        So really why alienate these women by acting superior? Are you really superior with your compassion? This compassion is what? You say you feel sorry for a baby conceived from a fucking between your and others husbands with a woman who had fully intended (in the era of birth control, and rigorous education and access to it) to get pregnant by a married or attached man?

        Why are you having the opinion that RMM is deficient to you in that her own husband did consider having paternal rights as a legal father but chose not to? You don’t bother to read RMM’s clear posts about her husband choosing not to be the legal father, which would mean the right to decision-making about the child’s education / or the child’s training?

        You do read that the Other Woman in RMM’s situation of infidelity is clearly APA psychiatric textbook nuts? So she’s dysfunctional by first choosing to not take her birth control pills (and you have to read that in RRM’s blog) to intentionally get pregnant by RMM’s husband. And this Other Woman in RMM’s case also bargained with RMM’s husband to abort the baby in her uterus if he had divorced RMM and had become her legitimate boyfriend. You did try to read that, right?

        And when you did read, you really have the balls to tell RMM and other cheated on women here that you’re superior because your compassion for the Other Child and to have that kid adopted by RMM’S husband is superior?

        RMM’s husband did agonize over adoption. But you don’t feel compassion for him doing that? He also has his and RMM’s children that they had in their union to protect. And, yes, protect because again the Other Woman in RMM’s situation is a stalker, she uses Family Law to get revenge through her gaining money from child support, she also has schemed by trying to use Canada’s human rights laws to hurt RMM’s husband and his business.

        So you did bother to read RMM’s blog about the Other Woman being told by lawyers that she couldn’t open a human rights court case when she had a civil suit opened in the Family courts? Because you had to read RMM’s explanation in her blog that would have been double dipping or using the legal system twice with two legal cases that were similar?

        However, you don’t bother. You simply don’t bother forming compassion for RMM and for her and her husband’s kids that they know they have to protect from the Other Woman. RMM’s husband chose to not be a legal decision-maker for the Other Child only because the Other Woman would have belittled, bitched at and just have been a truly bad person to him, RMM and their kids through daily contact with him as he would have had to be exposed to her as he daily involved himself with the Other Child because of being a legal guardian.

        Hmmm, if you do have kids that you had with your husband, then why do you never consider the priority to protect your own children when the Other Woman is clearly a bad person to her core who would belittle, bitch at, and curse you and your kids daily because your husband chose to daily involve himself as a legal guardian to the Other Child?

        This choice that RMM’s husband did really came down to protecting his and RMM’s kids from the Other Woman by him not becoming a legal guardian who would have been in daily contact with her kid. The Other Child is her mom’s kid, and where this child goes that woman is always there. And she is clearly not a nice person and has made clear that she will hurt RMM’s husband with bitchy drivel and bad attitude toward him and his family, which is RMM and their kids.

        So he can’t be the father because the Other Woman is out to hurt him in any way possible. So this includes being an ass to his kids that he had with RMM.

        And, again, try to have compassion for his choice because it protects his and RMM’s kids from a wicked bitch.

  13. It is beyond ridiculous to hold YOU accountable for ANY of the choices your husband made or makes in this situation. This woman hijacked the situation for her own gain. She would fight tooth and nail to prevent your husband from being a part of this child’s life, because it would mean a reduction in her very healthy income. I doubt she even wants your husband at this point. She wants his money, she wants the power of playing the “victim” and she wants sympathy for being in the exact lifestyle that she CHOSE.
    Your first responsibility in this mess was to protect YOUR children. She was crazy and unreasonable, and you had no way of telling how she might play that out. Your husband had legal and moral obligations that, in my opinion, came before anything else. And while I don’t know you personally, in a way I feel like I do through your blog. I would be willing to bet, had the situation been different, had she been remorseful, had she been respectful of you, this situation would look ENTIRELY different. This child likely would be a part of your lives. But her “mother” set the tone and pace early on. You don’t have the ability to change who she is, and you certainly don’t have to subject your family to living in fear of someone who is irrational and threatening.

  14. dotcablogger says:

    I looked for “Kate’s” comment to you. I only find here as you quoted. So did you already delete it?

  15. We are now six years out from D DAY where I discovered the photos of two children and an email which exposed his 14 year adultery at that point.

    Things went from bad to worse though I “won’ since my husband stayed yet he continues to be distant and uninvolved.

    I think the OW knew exactly what kind of man she was getting . She was 28 at the time she approached him and solicited him for adultery. She was informed that he was married with a family and that he would never leave me since he ‘loved’ me.

    She stuck through for six years…gaining a job in his firm , followed us through several moves, all throughout gaining a 6 figure income due to the way my husband could pay her through their manipulations of the way his work allowed. When she reached the bio clock aspect of her life she knew time was short to put her plan into action.

    Now what 28 year old does not realize that if they want marriage and children it is not a good time to choose to be involved with a man who you KNOW is not going to leave his family …after a couple of years MOST women have figured it out.

    She pulled the ‘you used up my years when I could have been married’ and he was stupid enough to feel that he “owed’ her. He told me that she ‘researched’ being a ‘single mom by choice’ This actually fits with her politics. These who feel they want to exercise their freedom of choice impose their CHOICE on others and expect all to pay the bill for their choice.

    It reminds me of those who want freedom to sin and then get upset that GOD did not ‘stop ‘ them or that they have to deal with consequences. If the Bible has not hit home then life should teach people that there are always consequences to our decisions. Adultery was a CHOICE not a mistake.

    My husband was a coward and he even cheated on this OW . His involvement with others who were without respect for moral laws or marriage and family lead to his having his conscience seared and his heart hardened against any sort of boundary .

    His attitudes and politics began to change but I never thought he would destroy his own integrity …seems that with his excellent ability to deceive he was able to maintain his facade of being morally upright …AND descent into the depths of depravity . Her influence proved to be the most destructive ….since she made the first moves sexually and thus I have learned that the bonding hormones involved with sexual pleasure are very VERY powerful.

    God designed men and women with such for the bonding that is to be ONLY in marriage and thus it is the ‘glue’ that keeps people who protect it and grow it …satisfied and appreciative in marriage BUT SEX is not the only aspect in marriage that is to be enjoyed.

    My husband has many lengthy superficial relationships so his needs for all that marriage offers is not ‘necessary’ for him to feel good. This is an aspect of lust that works in those who are not thankful nor care to learn how to protect and grow love in their marriages.

    His arrogance and entitlement was encouraged by this woman and immorality in and among some circles is also encouraged and thought of as some kind of ‘badge’ of manhood and success!

    He told me that he simply felt ‘invincible’ and that he was living like the ‘big leaguers’ …what an embarrassing confession for a man who had all the ‘toys’ and ‘icons’ of success but was just not able to exercise self control or an attitude of appreciation for all of the blessings and wonderful things he was blessed with.

    His form of ‘humility ‘ was just a pose …and attribute he saw demonstrated by the various men he admired in sports….In truth his life has proven that he is an arrogant and high minded man …unwilling to learn from anyone ..this was taught to him by his parents who I now have to recall once said to me that ‘no one has any right to tell anyone else about God!” ….wish I had realized what this would mean down the road …at that time my husband was very sincere in his involvement and learning about the Bible and the Lord! So I did not take it to heart how deeply this idea was set in his mind!

    He did work hard and ‘earn ‘ all things but he denied the source of his ability. I remember one day he was informing me by phone …since he was rarely home….that he had some success which I rejoiced for him about …but I also gave praise to GOD …My husband was incensed …HE rejected the idea that GOD had anything to do with his ability, opportunities, and life!

    All of the ways he used to be thankful were gone. In the place of the man I married was a substitute , a reflection of the woman that pleased him sexually , often and who knows how ….she had little else to do !

    He and she had NO IDEA how our children turned out so well nor the whole truth of what parenting involved . When she came to our home , saw our classroom, heard my story of faith and how great it was to home-school , she began to campaign to have my husband get her pregnant.

    It seems he felt he owed it to her and since he ‘cared’ about her he wanted to make her happy and did not want to feel responsible for her not getting to have children!

    Now our own daughters and son may not ever marry and have children …their lives have been upended. Their faith has held fast but the combination of their now wondering what they might have happen in their own marriages , plus the lack of living in one area long enough to be able to know someone to evaluate their character has caused them to become isolated in many of the ways that are necessary to be able to build relationships. They have never dated as that has been identified to us as one way people are set up for a divorce mentality .

    The trust in their own ability to evaluation a good spouse is shaken since my husband portrayed what a good man and a good husband was to them by his own life choices. It was totally shocking to all of us .

    So if their own father could do such a terrible thing to all of us but all the time appear to be a good man and faithful husband …albeit absent and distant most of the time ….then WHO can they trust to marry!

    This woman’s selfishness and my husband’s combined self centered and weak character have combined not to just give two children a crappy life but has sent some pretty fierce ‘fiery darts ‘ at the hearts of our children …not to mention how this will eventually effect those who still do not know who are my husband’s friends and family.

    The present day situations of our culture that have arisen from the ‘education’ that indoctrinated many generations now that they may DECIDE to have children without husbands or even fathers has wrought havoc in our society …Abortion, welfare, gender distinctions erased are all intentional toward a state of chaos which will bring more and more isolation and dependency upon the State.

    This is not by accident but children who are not raised to understand the purpose our Creator has for us …or even to believe IN the Creator and all that He explains to those willing to learn will be left to fend for themselves and their appetites will rule them

    There is little understanding of how our design demands of us to learn to govern our appetites and urges…that marriage and the purpose and the way to live in it will provide not just sexual pleasure that fulfills and satisfies when done with some knowledge of all the aspects of it to be considered….not just the orgasm but the depth of how it was to be shaped within relationship …these things not known or desired to be known result in more and more using of others and less and less concern or satisfaction within.

    When a person is empty of these things they try to fill up by using …using drugs, alcohol, sex but they also lack the sustaining strength of character to learn …to be teachable ..to find out what they need within a venue that will satisfy and protect.

    They have not learned to be thankful …such as my husbands lifelong ability to succeed and win ..which ..apart from learning true gratitude and TRUE HUMILITY will leave him assuming that whatever he CAN do he should be ENTITLED to do.

    When I met my husband he was good at demonstrating ‘humility’ but I have learned through my study of the Word of GOD that TRUE HUMILITY is actually developed as we obey the things GOD has instructed us to do . It is a ‘fruit’ of a lifetime submitting to the things the Lord has instructed us are good by HIS definition …not by way of our feelings or what society has put up as ‘good’ by the mechanisms of advertising and various other types of humanist ‘reward systems’!

    In many ways these men have extended their adolescence at the expense of their own children’s childhood!

    I found it shocking to learn that a woman who was intelligent , capable of earning a six figure income and could have chosen from among many available men her own age would make this kind of choice! Not only would you expect a woman to have the emotional make up of thinking of the children that she would bring into the world and care enough about their lives to choose a better way …but that she would be able to get a man to not care about the children he already had!

    My husband says he DID care about our children and that he did think of how his choices might effect them but thought that they would be able to be ‘good siblings’ to the children of adultery and help raise them right if found out! WOW …TALK about disconnect with reality and that damedable concept of ‘compartmentalization” ! The Bible informs us that GOD made man to be UNIFIED and that a ‘double minded man is unstable in all his ways ‘ SO TRUE!

    That concept I believe was first brought into our vocabulary in a public way when Mr Clinton’s adulterous activity was public conversation suddenly giving a ‘word’ to identify the sinful idea that men COULD cheat and it was not something that would disturb their normal lives! That is called in the Bible a SEARED CONSCIENCE! and it is NOT a good or ‘useful ‘thing to aspire to !

    [Just having my say here...hope it is not too long.

    The OW now does not work and has procured a 'grant' from the State to go to school on the tax payers dime though she has a degree already ...and she is often not home with the children she wanted so badly ...they are now developing into teens who have even less supervision at time when there is actually greater need for attention and guidance.

    The OW spends her time doing what she wants without too much concern for training her children ...they have proclaimed hatred for Christianity and are more and more following the present day New Age isms.....God only knows what they will find to get into in the coming years.

    We are presently in deep debt and struggling financially much in part due to my husband's prior generosity in buying her a house and a new car and sustaining her appetites for more and more money 'for the children' ....Often they call him while he is at work to tell him there is little or no food in the house. He went in to check this out and it was true.

    I do not doubt how difficult it is to be a single mom and in our society there are many now who have to be one because of an abandoning husband ...but these who do this kind of CHOICE are arrogant and feel entitled to CHOOSE this life but do not take responsiblity for their 'free choice' decisions.'

    Some this OW read about on the site that describes and encourages women to have children as unmarrieds support their own decision ...not USING a man in his childish adolescent state to 'give them ' a child! They go to a sperm bank ...they do not solicit the funds from a family ! No matter how 'successful' a man may appear to be NOT ALL can supply this ..at least not forever !

    Our savings and retirement are about used up ...My husband's pride will not allow him to inform her that he cannot go on sending the huge overage amount that WE have been ...I told him when I first found out to inform her that the amount would be declining until it hit the social services amount defined by the chart ...But he refused saying 'if she 'goes down' they will 'go down' ...in terms of living quality!

    Had he been willing to put the amount at a reasonable amount back when I first found out she would have seen the handwriting on the wall. As is NOW it probably will be a very difficult situation for her , them and US .

    His pride has indeed come to the falling off point. ALL of us will suffer ...including the children of adultery which are the only people he now demonstrates much interest in.

    Our own daughters have felt the necessity to stay with us ...they have been a support and a help even though it would be important for them to feel I will be OK ...but my husband sleeps upstairs refuses to engage in any real companionship with me ...because he does not want me to 'get the wrong idea' about our marriage future being anything more than this ...and he 'hates' the OW for he now realizes what her game was ...and his own lack of integrity has caused him to refuse any kind of forgiveness from me or from God!

    I continue to pray for all concerned as this kind of deception is HUGE and DEVASTATING as we all know from our own experiences here ...The OW is not much older but apparently not much wiser...Her efforts continue to try to hook some other man into supporting her desires but she does NOT WANT MARRIAGE.

    THis is the kind of devastating effect that her indoctrination into militant feminism which she has been known to spout has brought about ..and her daughter appears to be on the same path.

    My husband came home from a visit with them to tell me that the daughter impudently and defiantly told him that she was 'never going to be like him' speaking of political point of view.She threw in the comments about hating Christianity as well.

    There are many things in some churches that claim Christ that do not demonstrate the biblical Christianity but this wholesale attitude is more than just an observation of that on their part ..this attitude has been drummed into these children from the beginning and their start in life has been one that will more and more yield poor fruit as they have not had a good foundation upon which to hope or determine change. I still believe they MAY have a change of heart so I pray ...yet it is not going to be an easy road.

    As far as I am concerned I extended a phone call in the beginning after D DAY so that the OW could get her chance to speak with me ...but she never returned my call ...so much for allowing her to explain her side...or to apologize. I have read where those who are militant feminists view women who marry and are homemakers as enemies ' and 'fools' ....Their intention is to destroy the home and marriage as part of the arm of communism....which also wants to destroy the foundation of a nation .

    These are not byproducts of discontent they are intentional tools of mass destruction as old as the Garden of Eden ...if one can remove the 'head' ...which is Christ ..and then the husband ..then the 'house may be broken into and plundered'

    Indeed we are seeing the destruction of a nation and one of the last bastions of hope in that many in this nation are devoted to the Lord and hope in HIm ...thus they seek to follow after His words.

    I pray that these who are so bitter and hardened will be turned from their lives of empty causes founded on hatred and lust.

    { May I ask if your blog could be using a DARKER FONT...? I have difficulty seeing it at times....just an idea...Thank you for your posts ...they all help us as one other pointed out that there are few blogs that deal with the fall out of adultery that has wrought children....Very encouraging to know we are NOT 'inappropriately ' reacting to this terrible situation.

    I have more to say but it seems I was very lengthy here ....sorry ...once I begin to share what I have had to learn since D DAY in terms of finding out more about this and what I should do according to the way GOD would have me deal ...it seems I have gathered a LOT of stuff to think over.! Hugs all!]

    • be free to share whatever you want, no matter how long. we are all here for you. Hearing you out, is the least me or anyone else can do to help you.

  16. I feel the sentiment of the poster. You could encourage him to have a relationship with his daughter but it is obvious you do not. Women who grow up without a loving father create victims (I do believe you said you were victimized before so using your words) like yourself. One day she will want a relationship with him and I pray to God for her sake his answer isn’t to her… well I gave you money and wanted for anything. I made sure you weren’t poor (whatever color) trash. Isn’t that good enough. Ask any child …. it’s not about the money. I work in the foster care system. Children would rather know and be with the shittiest of parents then in the richest of foster homes. And for you to say you have nothing to do with it is shameful and wrong. And you will reap the karma. What will your children think when they find out they have a half sister that was never loved by their father? Will that not change their view of him? A child does make all this a bigger picture. Now in case you want to paint me as just a OW stalking you. I can assure you I have three children and a husband who is far from perfect but it has been fifteen years and I am not fearful he has any children he is not properly taking care of financially or EMOTIONALLY.

    • What makes you so convinced that you are aware of the conversations that we have had around this? Do you live in my home? In my head? Since it seems you’re quite convinced I haven’t fulfilled my “responsibility” here ( and it is in quotes because none of this is my choice), I told my husband that if he wanted to pursue custody or have a relationship with the child to let me know his feelings because I “don’t want to be the reason he feels regret down the road for a relationship he didn’t pursue, afraid of how it would impact me” (in quotes because that’s exactly how I said it). Until you have witnessed the conversation or read the blog to know my feelings, don’t put words is my mouth, or feelings in my heart that aren’t, nor were, ever there.

      • I am not saying that the child does not suffer but angela it is horribly wrong for you to blame the wife for its sufferings. and OW is the one who will reap her karma not RMM.
        If you had been following the blog properly, you would have known who was the money hungry here and who is the one who places children to be weighed in terms of money.
        well, I am not gonna waste time convincing people like you bcuz you are really off the track, and what does the poster even mean by saying “it is wrong for you to think that you had nothing to do with it” .

        A WOMAN WHO CHOOSES TO HAVE A CHILD WITH MM ESPECIALLY IN THIS AGE OF BIRTH CONTROL AND EVERYTHING, IS RESPONSIBLE FOR HER CHILD’S PAIN NOT THE BETRAYED SPOUSE.

        @angela Neither the poster who commented nor you have grasped even a bit of what RMM ‘s life is about or of the other wives who are dealing with such a situation. and when you don’t understand something, you don’t comment on it. and its not only in this blog, there are several other forums where wives dealing with such situation come together . If you find time try reading some, maybe then you’ll get the glimpse of their pain and you’ll see what type of women these OW are who do not even care for their own children.
        Its really wonderful isn’t it? a wife when blames the OW, she is advised not to do so because OW should not be blamed, but the wife is blamed for everything that the OW has done.
        Its all an attempt by no self esteem defense meachanism of OW. You know RMM, once I read an account of a woman who said that the OW calls HER selfish for not making her child a part of her life! JUST IMAGINE a woman, who doesn’t pay regard to your home family, children destroys your marriage, calls YOU selfish!

        RMM JUST DON’T BOTHER. I know its easier said than done to ignore them especially when you know you are right.

    • Sorry I am not seeing how it is “obvious” that I don’t encourage him. What makes people think that I am in any position to control my husband or his feelings for his illegitimate child? His pain is his and his decisions are his. I can comfort and suggest, but I don’t force and to suggest this is my role at all is laughable. My role is to be a living parent to MY children.

      • That’s what I don’t get either–what is OBVIOUS is that if you are doing as you are being accused it is not OBVIOUS because being obvious implies most people can see it and most of us don’t see it. Just because you don’t post some stuff doesn’t mean that you are not doing the stuff. Big eye roll here.

        What I will say though is that Angela has a point about how kids might feel knowing they have a sibling their dad did not pay attention to or seem (to them) to care about. Because I don’t want to rewrite it, I am going to copy a story from my life that I referenced in a recent coaching.
        My parents divorced when I was 4, but both were involved in my life. My Dad was great to reassure me that he loved me and would always be there for me—and to this day he is. But he made one serious flaw—and to this day he does not know it. Before he met my mother and even before his first wife, he fathered a child while stationed in Germany and told me about her. He knew of her existence and told a story of when he was married to his first wife (my mom was his second) and his former girlfriend and their 2-year-old daughter showed up on the door. I could have that wrong—since I think he lived in Hawaii when he was married to his first wife, but his former girlfriend and their daughter did show up suddenly. He said that was the last time he ever saw her and when he was telling me this—I was about 6—he showed no desire to see her or that he cared about her or missed her in anyway. I asked him directly and he just dismissed my question. I still felt secure, but I wonder why because I was smart enough to know that if he could leave her with so little apparent care, why not me too and I was smart enough to know that he didn’t get it. If he’d told me a story about her mom not wanting him in their life or about her being adopted and better off without the confusion (especially across a continent) I would have been relatively understanding, but he said nothing of the sort. Adults try and give lame excuses and reassurances and kids see right through them to the obvious. Keep giving the reassurances that you will love them, but do not expect them to see the holes.[-End Story-]
        Now of course the situation is different when the child came as the result of an affair and after the children from the marriage. And I do not presume to know how your kids would feel about it at all. I know that as an only child I had always wanted an older sibling–I thought the big brother program was an adoption program and did not understand why my mom told me we couldn’t sign me up for a big brother–I wanted a big brother more than a sister. And then I learned I had an older sibling–sister and that my dad just dismissed her. It hurt terribly and yet I don’t think I have ever told my dad that. So all I am saying is that your kids may feel a loss if they know or find out and they may be upset. They also may understand the difficulty of the circumstances, but may still feel hurt and upset. Or they may not, but I did.

      • Our Journey After His Affair says:

        A healthy relationship means that you are able to step back from mothering your husband or trying to control him and letting him make decisions for himself. I agree with your approach to this. IMO, I would never outright encourage him to have a relationship with this child. It would be very confusing for her as a kid – why aren’t you with MY mommy? And it would be very confusing for own children – why do we have a sister that isn’t yours mommy? Talk about wrecking their lives! I’ve seen many single moms do amazing jobs at raising healthy, happy children. That is up to the Whore.

      • Well, are you encouraging him?
        He clearly felt like he had to choose between children and he chose.

        I think this story is very sad. You had a penis and could fuck without protection but you don’t want to have anything to do with the product of your actions as if it’s not your responsability or as if you didn’t make the child also? I mean… also you typing “daughter” – what’s up with ” “? That is his daughter. His child. Out of wedlock or not but its his baby. Like I said, amazingly how he got away with it, manipulated you into thinking you won him over and dismissed his child.

        He can be parent to all of them.
        But what to expect from a man who lies a year and goes to admit ONLY when he realizes he will be discovered. Lame.

  17. I will speak up again for the sake of this issue is one that I have experience in. I told my husband that I could not love a man who was willing to abandon children . I felt that the children needed to know their father . I hoped that he would take the situations seriously enough to learn more about what HE needed to do to become a man that would be a good demonstration of honesty and integrity for their needs to learn such things.

    He decided to not take the opportunity. He is seeing them daily …taking them to eat as we both want them to have good care which they do not have with the OW .

    Their self image is very distorted as all of their other impressions are of themselves , life, marriage and others. They have been offered the opportunity to meet me but declined…She has set them against me, our children , my husband and marriage in general

    He has feared to be open with them about what he and their mother did …since they were younger at the time he did the best he felt they could handle …as time goes by however it is my view that continuing to avoid the issue and give them information that might deter them from a lifetime of regret and making poor choices is passing him by .

    If he continues to hold up this false front as he feels he must …I agree it is a loathsome task to tell them the whole truth but they did this and it seems if they are to help those children avoid further life damage they must come clean ..at least my husband could offer them a full disclosure age appropriate such as ”’don’t do what I did …because it is damaging ….etc’ but he fears to lose face .

    I understand this but the relationship he hopes to have with them only looks like it will set them up for what our children have had to deal with …the realization that their father is not the man they were led to believe he is .

    I am not suggesting that anyone should grow up thinking their parent is perfect …but to know a parent willing to take responsibility for wrong and demonstrate the effort to take upon themselves a disciplined life willing and making effort to live rightly would go a long way to build better character in the child.

    My husband has ‘skills’ in getting people to like him and respect him …no doubt …but when those skills are used to deceive it is quite another matter.

    Not only has his involvement with them been based solely upon his own egocentric need for him to feel like he is a ‘good guy’ ….and he basically sees them at his own convienience and I might add at great expense to the needs of our relationship and that with our own family …but he still does not recognize the very important aspect of parenting which is stable , consistant , being there through the tough times as well as the good ones.

    His attitude throughout OUR children’s lives and mine was …HIS schedule, fun and needs FIRST and anything left over was ours…if he did not have anything better to do.

    This is now what we all realize was his attitude and when the children of the OW discover that has been his way of parenting them …it will be a crushing blow.

    Already they have had to realize they are ‘second ‘ citizens whenever they ask if he will be over and he has to say no I am with my family!

    OUR children observe his daily effort to connect with the Other children through texts , phone calls and leaving work mid day to spend time with them when HE NEVER did anything remotely caring for our family!

    We always ‘respected’ his time at work …which was almost ALL the time.!

    So when weighing in on all the benefits of children who ‘need’ their fathers …I am almost prone to say that a father who is only there to fulfill his OWN guilty needs or narcissitic needs is almost a worse experience .

    When small it is very important for them to have the security of a daddy …but what of a fair weather one?

    What does this teach them about what a husband is …how a married couple overcomes various seasons in marriage relationship ? What does this teach a child about how to trust his own experiences with a man who they thought was one way and then learn eventually what kind of person he has been .

    A child of an alcoholic has a lot to overcome …a child of a drug user loses a lot …but perhaps through their awareness of what is the drug of choice they can have a view of the parent where they KNOW there is a perversion of how that ‘office’ of parent should be …and they know that this person has problems and they may even go lengths to avoid becoming like that person addicted …Or not ..but at least they do not contend with what would appear to be ‘normal’ and ‘loving ‘ and then find out that the ‘nice person’ was actually a liar and a thief willing to steal reality from all who they are associated with …creating a lying world which has been time and time again confirmed as ‘good’ and ‘love’

    My husband and the OW took the reality of all our lives and created a LIE that we lived in FOR YEARS ….taking what my husband told us and offered to us as ‘loving ‘ care as if it was ALL he could do ….because of his love for his family he was ‘working hard’ all the time!

    Some may think this is not believable …but then you have not met some of these kinds of people ….you have not lived with men who were hard working , showered their families with many compensations while expressing the “sorrow” they felt for the time they “could not” spend with their wives and families due to the ‘demands’ of their work which supported the family !

    I never asked for a big house or all of the stuff we had…I made up my mind to become content with whatever we had …I did not marry my husband when he had money and did not see him as my ticket to a life of wealth.

    THIS woman saw the fruit of years of hard work , sacrifice and continual support and love for my husband and his providing for his family and thought is a ‘prey’ and convinced him he somehow was missing something and then ‘owed’ her anything she wanted.

    Now he recalls how she always had some ‘crisis’ or ‘past wound ‘ that he felt he should try to fix!

    Now he sees that she creates these kinds of crisis to get sympathy from people but sooner of later they catch on and depart…HE did not because he said she ‘gave him sex’ …that was HIS mentality …he had plenty of sexual activity and pleasure [so he says ] at home …and ‘better sex’ but he could not cut off the ‘extra’ …having an ‘extra’ was part of his ego boost …

    A man with an adulteress on the side is ‘really something’ ! That is the mentality of the world of sexual predators…which I believe they both were as they made this an arrangment not a love relationship…at least not at first.

    I maintain that NEITHER of them know what love is …nor do they know what that a CHILD is a PERSON …had he thought of our children as real people he could NOT have done this ..to them OR to the children she wanted …

    At the time of her urges …there were a great deal celebrities having babies out of wedlock …like the fad of purse dogs! Children born to single mom’s were glamourized along with the idea of being a mistress. I read in her email that she imagined that they would never marry but would be like …and she sited some famous author who had a mistress ….Her fantasies were all she had ..

    This OW took the lives of all of us …and my husband’s fantasy also …and destroyed the reality and fed us all a form of life …All that marriage and family was meant to be we COULD have had …it was ours …we had access to learn more and more what our roles were …but he would not take the time or effort to learn what was ‘too normal’ for his taste. He sought out being ‘James Bond’ or ‘Hugh Hefner’ once he gained enough status to have all of that offered to him

    Now as he interacts with the children he had in adultery he is STILL blind to the need they have to be taught a different way to live…HE is still not willing to see the need our children have for him to get into the process that HE alone may involve himself in the needs to reconcile and walk through the various ways they need him to engage.
    HE will not even engage for his own sake.

    THe hard parts of being IN a real authentic relationship are beyond his desire and so his ability …as long as he can sustain a form of relationship with the children of the other women for his own comfort and hopes that is ‘good enough’ for him

    They are gaining something presently but the future ways they will see him and prehaps become bitter and take it out on our children is not known….I feel like they are a ticking time bomb since my husband so far has not wanted to deal with them or learn to teach them right from wrong…since that would cause a light of truth to shine upon him and reveal somethings he is not wanting them to know about him!

    Better to confess and then provide the correction for them to learn but he himself is not willing to learn how corrections are healing

    This is an example of mankind dealing with sinful choices and life in general apart from the wisdom of GOD which though maybe hard to endure at first would yeild the peaceable fruit of right living which would in the long run be a much more satisfying effect of his life upon those he SAYS he cares about .

    So far his ‘devotion’ to them is very minimal since he cannot do for them or with them what they need with a father AND his choice has pretty much detached his concience from repenting and doing what is his FIRST duty in marriage in terms of dealing with his sin and all that it means to his own soul and his wife.

    As long as person will not return to the point where he started sinning willfully and examine what is needed to heal that breach the ongoing effects of this kind of neglect and willful disobedience WILL effect all of his ongoing efforts in other relationships.
    \

    There is a quote I have heard I don’t recall the person but it rings true

    If a man wants to love his children well he must love his wife first!

    I say Love GOD …who orders our lives appropriate to HIS knowledge of our design and lets us in on the various ways we may live life to the fullest …HIS order is God first…Wife next and the marriage relationship ..then the children will grow up secure and well informed in all that is right and good.

    ALl others are going to be blessed if they may observe a man and wife doing this …as it was in the DESIGN …

    Now we see society crashing due to few examples of the way GOD has designed us to become secure and fulfilled ….This is available but selfishness and fleshly perspectives blind people to the truth of it’s virtue.

    My husband is involved with the children daily …His devotion to his work and those children is ALL that he feels able to do ..He has it upside down and backwards and is stubborn ..and wonders why he is so unhappy and ineffective in all of his areas of life despite my loving encouragement and affirmations wherever I may say so truthfully…NOTHING matters to him but how he himself feels and only follows what HE wants to do …despite all offers of wisdom from ANYONE ..

    He respects no one …possibly because he knows he has been untrustworthy ….huh.

    I find his attitude about public figures who lie , cheat and steal interesting ..all the while he himself is fully doing the same things!

  18. BTW .The ongoing experience among those who were untrustworthy and manipulative in work and in adultery led to his view of ME …as being the ‘same’ even though he has known me for over 33 years as seriously intent upon transparency and growing godliness and most ardently honesty and loyalty from the very first

    He treats me now through a lens of suspicion and distrust that he has now seen the OW used upon him over all those years…THIS TOO is some of the ‘fruit ‘ of a man’s neglect of the Word of GOD to learn and neglect of seeing the wife he has IN TRUTH rather than through the perversion of how adultery and life in the systems of the world effect one’s mind.

  19. dotcablogger says:

    The child born from an affair is too often talked about and debated about. I do feel that because the child is a person who’s a child we get overly focused on looking at his/or her innocence. Then from our sympathy, we talk about theories like “What will that child think when she’s a teenager?” or “What will he think about his biological dad when he’s a young adult in his twenties?”. But these ideas of ours and our concern is about the future, and we have no idea what the OC will be like as a teen and then as an adult in the future. Frankly, too often the OW uses her child that she bore from her affair as a weapon against the married man that she *chose* to get pregnant from. Women in countries where birth control is legal and available can’t excuse themselves to say to other people that “I accidentally got pregnant from that married guy”. The diverse birth control shows that statement as a lie. Often the woman who got pregnant from her affair with a married man, *chose* to not use birth control and *chose* to get pregnant from him. And too often observers and bystanders get overly sentimental about the OC that she bore, and they let themselves get manipulated by that child’s mom. The OW as a mom wants buckets of sympathy and shock for her OC because she can manipulate those well-meaning people to be supportive of her and then condemning of the married man who made a mistake to have a sexual relationship with her. She does want to be “the wronged woman, and the wronged single mom” so that she will get money in the guise as child support for her OC. She also wants to destroy how friends and family like and respect that married man. Her being the wronged woman is really a tactic of revenge — and she will use her OC to add shock to her appearance as a wronged woman.

    I say just be cautious of the OC’s mom. Just simply wait for the child to grow up and be independent (hopefully independent) of that mother. Maybe as an adult that person will be reasonable or not hateful. Or won’t have a problem to project onto other people. But I don’t know. The best that the married man could do is pay child support, but not to the expense of his children from his marriage. His legitimate children have to always be priority. If not, then financial support of the OC would deprive his children of his marriage of what they were always entitled to by that marriage. And a dark irony would occur: The OC is taken care of, but the children from the guy’s marriage are neglected.

    Also blaming the wife of the married man as being a block to him to go to court to have shared custody of the OC isn’t a true observation of what the wife has as power in her marriage with him. She can’t choose to make her husband pursue shared custody of the OC. And often the OW simply wants sole custody because sole custody is sole control, which is sole power to do with financial support as she chooses. Or simply, in direct words, she wanted to be a single mom and not share custody with the married man. Shared parenting would mean she wouldn’t have total power to do with child support as she preferred. So sadly money as child support is what she always wanted. She never really wanted the married man to be a legal parent of her OC. She just couldn’t share and compromise as two parents, or the mom and dad, have to do.

    Sorry, for the long post. Anyway, to be concise, I just caution to not be a bleeding heart in sympathy for the OC. The ex-mistress is always looming behind that child, and appreciates and *uses* the sympathy for that child from well-meaning people

    • The OW doesn’t want shared custody. She wouldn’t want me anywhere near her child. Because I was defending my family and protecting myself, she delusionally claimed that I want her child dead and wanted to file a restraining order against me. She wouldn’t allow her child in my home. She would rather double the child support and a “woe is me” card, than half the pay cheque and the father in her child’s life. She is selling her own daughter out of knowing her dad for money.

      • dotcablogger says:

        Yeah I recently started to see that. Which is why I’m cautious of being overly sympathetic for her child. That daughter of hers is really just an asset of hers that gives her annual leverage. So I’m sorry for some of the posters here who randomly come across your blog and write things like “you repulse me” and “you block your husband from getting shared custody of that child”. The true observation that these passing strangers don’t see is that the ex-mistress NEVER wanted your husband to pursue and get shared custody. If he did, that would mean she would have to share custody and that means *control* of her leverage.

      • It also means having to leave her child in my care.

      • Chrissy says:

        Ick, restraining orders? From a woman who blatantly attempted to take your husband from you and break apart your family. This is the kind of thing that I don’t understand how keep it all together. She’s already winning enough by the amount you have to share your husband’s finances and any effort he spends raising the OC. Not to mention how disgusting it must feel that you basically shared your bedroom with this woman and it was completely violated by her. The money she gets paid should be spent sending you to a resort with spa treatments, a sex therapist, and whatever else it takes to make YOU feel taken care of and back to normal (or as close to old normal as you can possibly get in your new normal). Not to mention spent doing family outings with YOUR family. Why cant she just go away? Take her money and her child and just go away and maybe you can finally get your life back. SHE needs to grow up and realize she conceived a child and tried to date a man that was already a full time parent and husband who was not interested in raising a family with her or marrying her. SHE needs to grow up and realize she participated in destroying another innocent person’s life, YOURS. Not just her child’s that resulted in doing so. HE massively violated your vows of marriage, but he is here, fighting to keep his family and marriage together. He no doubt regrets every bit of pain he ever caused you, after seeing the pain it has brought into his and his family’s life. The OW does not. Jealousy and her feelings of rejection are odd things. She wanted what you had and didn’t care how much it would hurt you or your husband or your children. Now she is trying to humiliate you to boot. I wish more men and women would read your blog who were considering an affair and instead of casually writing it off as no big deal and thinking “my wife or husband will just never find out” or whatever other reasons that make them think sex someone other than their spouse is an exciting treat, instead read what this decision has done to you and just say NO. I am sorry to hear about the people who have been attacking you for fighting for your family and your rights to your husband, a fight you never wanted to fight.

    • I have a hard time equating the word “mistake” for the word betrayal. I would never think or state that my husband made a mistake. What he did was too grievous, too evil to call it a mistake. I worry that misdirecting hatred from the cheating husband and placing it instead for the other woman or playing down the painful circumstance of the poor other child plays into the whole world thoughts of women should really know better or be held to a higher moral standard than the poor sexually driven male counterpart to our species. The man was married, had a family, had a devoted wife. He is selfish and a cake eater. And now because of his selfish and destructive choices and sexual desires to play in bed with another female, a child is born. The other woman has no obligations to anyone who is not her spouse. To hold anyone outside of the marriage accountable is laughable. It misdirects where the fault is and it is always with the cheating spouse. The other woman who is single cheats on no one. There is no sisterhood. Such wishful and elusive thinking – trying to take the spot light off the man once again. Just like there is no brotherhood. You might as well say the same thing about criminals… They are all selfish and lack character. But a man vows before God (even today usually this is true), to his wife and to all those witnesses in attendance at the marriage ceremony that he will forsake all others. Reminds me of my sister in law whom we do not talk to – she blamed my husband for not making sure his brother did not cheat on her before the wedding – she thought my husband 26 years ago should have stopped his brother from effing a stripper at the strip bars they went to nightly for like a month. I was only dating my husband at the time and blamed him entirely for cheating on me… Now I also blame myself because I chose to then believe him that he had learned his lesson – I was in such pain and hell on wheels that I felt in no way would he ever hurt me like that again. But alas I was wrong – more wrong than I would have dreamed, and I have such an imagination… But the truth is stranger than fiction. Either way – I only blame him – not the whores or other sex workers or any other female on this earth – they did not lie to me – HE DID. And it was not a mistake.

      • Unless he dragged her into bed and forced sex upon her lying that he was single, a woman who lays down with a married man is EQUALLY at fault. In no circumstance is one side to blame because that’s stupidity. Each pairing comes with two independent minds who decide to engage in something wrong. Yes she has no legal obligations to the wife. Yes, he is the only one committing adultery, but to say that she is doing nothing wrong, while bearing witness to her immoral, family-splitting, personal gain enhancing whoring would be too simplistic.

        The same would be true for a man. If I slept with a man who made himself available to me, knowing I am married with children, and did so in order to profit from what me and my husband share, then we would both be accountable for the choices we make. If a married woman sleeps with a man, that man is committing an immoral act with full knowledge of its inappropriateness and is equally at fault for what transpired.

        The only difference is that the married person’s behavior has consequences that they pay for, while the OW or OM just walk away unscathed.

        I’m sorry you feel there is no sisterhood, but personally I feel there should be. It’s called humanity, and respect for others.

        We wouldn’t NOT blame a robber for stealing our possessions from our home, when out spouse left the door open. We’d hold them both accountable.

      • “I worry that misdirecting hatred from the cheating husband and placing it instead for the other woman or playing down the painful circumstance of the poor other child plays into the whole world thoughts of women should really know better or be held to a higher moral standard than the poor sexually driven male counterpart to our species.”
        Both—all people—can be held to that higher moral standard and in the case of infidelity both the married and non-married partner fail. I read and hear from people sometimes who are upset because they think betrayed spouses blame the affair partner and not the spouse simply because they do blame the affair partner—but they also blame the spouse. It really baffles me how people think we are somehow incapable of thinking more than one person holds responsibility.
        My husband was weak, an idiot a liar, a cheater, a cake-eater… and as those he was an abuser. He was responsible for his actions and the alienator took advantage of his weaknesses. In some situations one of the affair partners hold more responsibility and in some it is equal, but both parties are responsible.

        “The other woman has no obligations to anyone who is not her spouse. To hold anyone outside of the marriage accountable is laughable. It misdirects where the fault is and it is always with the cheating spouse.”
        Well I do agree that something is laughable in that comment. The fault lies with the TWO people who chose to have the adulterous relationship—if the non-married partner knew the other person was married. Of course the fault always lies with the betraying partner, but that does not mean that the non-married partner has no blame. Some men and women prey on married people. The alienator in my situation faked a pregnancy to get my husband to leave me again—which he did. Later she threatened to not have some fake brain problem fixed, saying she would die in a few months if he did not come back to her. She provided him with a cell phone to contact her—after his cell plan expired and he got rid of the phone.
        Of course the fact that he did go back to her several times is indicative of his weakness, but that does not absolve her of responsibility as well. It does still take two to tango.

        “The other woman who is single cheats on no one. There is no sisterhood. Such wishful and elusive thinking – trying to take the spot light off the man once again. Just like there is no brotherhood.”
        You must live in a sad and lonely world. Mine has both sisterhoods and brotherhoods. We are not simply a universe of individuals going about our business.
        Just because a single woman having an affair with a married man is not cheating on someone does not make her actions acceptable, right or non-sinful. And there are some single people who sleep with a married person as a direct attack on the spouse.

        “Either way – I only blame him – not the whores or other sex workers or any other female on this earth – they did not lie to me – HE DID.”
        In the case of paid sex workers, I think I would typically assign less blame and no blame in some cases. They are exploited victims. Sure, some may choose such a profession, but probably not most. But not all adulterers are having are choosing paid sex workers for their indiscretions. For many it’s a full affair—a romantic relationship and—sex is only a small part of it.

      • “You must live in a sad and lonely world.”

        Such an ugly abusive attack upon me because I do not play into blaming anyone who is not my spouse. Good for you to be able to put blame on others who are not your spouse. Whatever let’s you let’s you sleep better at night. You know nothing about me or my life. You do know my husband cheated and I blame only him. I do know your husband cheated and you want to spread the blame. I believe in accountability to only those who are accountable to me in regards to their sexual organ – my husband. No other woman owes me her fidelity as we are not married. So keep your attacks against me out of it. Some day maybe you will see that you cannot control anyone, however if they are married to you then they are accountable for lying to you. But then I’m all about common sense. It is what it is. Some women would rather spread the blame and therefore be able to look at their husbands with some sympathy – of that woman should never have gone after my poor married husband. Uggh.

      • You’re right that no one knows you or your situation. Just as you don’t know others’. I think when you called the perspective that some have “laughable” I guess we can’t call that an attack on those who feel that way? I’m sorry but you can’t come somewhere and “laugh” at the way some feel and then call foul when they rebut against your view.

      • You’re absolutely right Me. A husband who cheats is 100% responsible for the betrayal. The women they slept with owe us nothing. However, when we are growing up we learn right from wrong, good from bad and then as adults we put what we have learned into practice. We all have choices. If a woman chooses to sleep with a married man knowing that he is married (and has children) then it is also important for her to learn that there can be consequences for her actions along with the spouse. You can’t create havoc all around you then just walk away scot free and expect it all to just go away when it gets uncomfortable. We all have our own way of feeling about the infidelity we have suffered – it is neither right nor wrong but simply how we feel. We are each entitled to that, lord knows we have earned it! I don’t believe RMM is “putting blame on others”, she’s simply voicing her opinion about how she feels about the other woman and that’s fair enough. Why shouldn’t she?! I have to say I also found your “laughable” comment slightly offensive. You can think and feel however you want, but others might not necessarily agree with it.

      • Very, very well said. We all come at this from different situations and different outcomes. I don’t judge anyone for who they blame, whether they divorce or stay with the spouse who cheated, whether they turn to their faith or turn into raving lunatics. We all walk the same path in different shoes. But to me it is inarguable that it takes two to cheat. It takes a low form of life to come after table scraps from a married woman’s life, and involve the well-being of her children.

      • I was referring to you by the way, in the “well said” comment. I think you expressed it perfectly.

      • dotcablogger says:

        @exercisegrace is right about this too:

        “Just because you are single does not mean that the rules of common decency do not apply to you. Being single does not confer upon you the license to do what you want, when and where you want.”

        Also only assigning blame and accountability to the married man or just to the guy is being sexist towards him. Since he didn’t rape her, he also was propositioned or pursued by her, and in all she sought an affair with him knowing he was married, then she deserves blame too. She could have chosen a single man. So knowingly going after men who already are committed still deserves blame.

        Also men and women can’t really be secure if rules and boundaries aren’t impressed on the both of them. Men live with consequences when they cheat, so should women have to live with damage from the civil rules and boundaries that they broke. Or men can’t be the only gender held to a standard while women are allowed to be calculating in their promiscuity and allowed to pursue married men for sex, money and a baby of their own (but often the baby is a goal to get money).

      • Gee , by golly… I find it very strange or coincidental that as of last Sunday ppl start bemoaning and bitching about using the word “wh@re” to describe psychopathic reprobates who surreptitiously conducted their ” gene promotion strategies” ….and suddenly my wordpress site is shut down because someone complained that it was offensive or somehow violating the terms of use. ??? Fortunately I got the page reinstated. Too bad someone’s campaign to silence dissenters and victims of sociopaths got thwarted.

      • Seriously? I guess mine’s next ;)

      • Huh?
        Okay, something is just wrong with that. I mean W-R-O-N-G.

      • Exercisegrace says:

        Absolutely ridiculous! Apparently they don’t get around the Internet much or they would be targeting TRULY offensive sites, such as the ones that PROMOTE cheating. I have a list of names I use for my husband’s affair partner and trust me……Wh@£e is the Kindest word on that list!

      • “Such an ugly abusive attack upon me…”
        I have never made an attack against you. You specifically told us that there is not sisterhood or brotherhood. That was making an assumption about everyone else’s life or experience of the world.
        I stand by my opinion that to live in a world without a sisterhood or brotherhood would be sad and lonely. Fortunately I don;t live in that world, so it is merely a guess.
        “Some day maybe you will see that you cannot control anyone…”
        Another interesting assumption. I am known for not being controlling and yet you assume based on what…that I hold both the alienator and betraying spouse to blame or something else–I cannot tell–that I am controlling.
        “Some women would rather spread the blame and therefore be able to look at their husbands with some sympathy –”
        Spread blame? What is it, butter? There’s no need for spreading it around; and I’m not the one who committed the acts.
        As for looking at a cheating spouse with sympathy. Huh? Why would someone do that?

      • While I agree that the lion’s share of the blame lies with the man who promised to honor our marriage vows, the other woman has *some* portion of blame as well. In our case this woman pretended to be my friend. She came into our home repeatedly. She did not care that her choices hurt not just my marriage, but my children as well. We are still dealing with the repercussions of that. When she failed to get him to leave us, she tried to make our lives a legal hell. She was fired by her attorney for her craziness and he warned ours that she was over the top nuts. Since then, she has cyber-stalked and bullied me and my children. While my husband is remorseful, in counseling, and working hard to rebuild our marriage, she has never so much as even apologized. Just because you are single does not mean that the rules of common decency do not apply to you. Being single does not confer upon you the license to do what you want, when and where you want.

      • Well said indeed exercisegrace.

      • dotcablogger says:

        Rescuingmymarriage said it best:

        “I’m sorry you feel there is no sisterhood, but personally I feel there should be. It’s called humanity, and respect for others.”

        So @Me the female gender has women who are exploitative and deceitful. Sisterhood only works when the female gender doesn’t have predatory jerks who knowingly choose to have a sexual relationship with a married man or with a guy who has a girlfriend. It also only works when these jerks don’t seek to get pregnant from a married man. It further only works when the jerk doesn’t use the child she birthed to get money to pay for her lifestyle. Often the child is the woman’s tool in the Family Law courts to get money to pay for her to take college/university courses, to pay for her shopping. So this means to pay for her lifestyle. The clothing for the child is cheaper than what she financially demands. Go to Value Village, and the gently used children’s clothing is worth to own. Anyway, respect among women only is done when the jerks in our gender start being respectful.

    • Thank you!!!! I completely agree!!!!

  20. dotcablogger says:

    Also I had this thought: The OW that Rescuingmymarriage has had to deal with lives in Canada where birth control as well as abortion are legal and available. So she never chose to have an abortion when she “accidentally” got pregnant from Rescuingmymarriage’s husband? Was her morals Pro-Life, and that was her reason to carry her pregnancy through and give birth? I don’t think so and I wouldn’t idealize her. She knew the guy she had a sexual relationship with was married, and that guy (being Rescuingmymarriage’s husband) did directly tell her that he did not want her to get pregnant from him and have a baby from their affair. So this woman couldn’t have used the morning after pill or Plan B? And she couldn’t have had an abortion? Likely, she pragmatically just wanted her child from that affair to be leverage for her. The child is her asset, and not so much beyond property to get money as child support and a lot of sympathy from observers and bystanders. Too often she uses that child to get want she wants for herself.

    • I don’t know if you know this or not, but she actually never wanted children of her own. She said it spoiled her lifestyle. When she came up pregnant, she said she would have an abortion if my husband left me and my children.

      • dotcablogger says:

        Yeah, I actually remember you posting this in the first year of your blog. I think it’s in the 2011 archives.

        But you repeating this right now is a good reminder.

        That ex-mistress directly told your husband “I never want children. They would restrict my freedom. They would spoil my lifestyle.” This is a reminder that she chose to have that child to guise herself as a wronged woman and a wronged single mom.

        She frankly never wanted kids. So she chose to get pregnant from your husband, she told him she would have an abortion if he would divorce you and only be her boyfriend (or even marry her). But instead she kept her pregnancy and gave birth, and ever since has used the Family Courts and the sympathy any observer for her daughter’s needs just in order to have your husband pay lots of money in child support and to see him only as a dead beat.

        She only had that daughter when your husband flatly told her that he wasn’t divorcing you and he kept to his decision. As revenge, she is using her child to get as many observers to have bleeding heart sympathy for her child and to believe that your husband is a dead beat. But when observers ask her if she will ever let your husband have shared custody, she will give an non-answer or flatly say “No”.

        Shared custody would mean sharing parental power. And leave parental out and just look at the word power, and that is what the child is to her: Power. Shared custody would mean she could no longer make sole decisions with the child support money that she gets. She would have to share in decision-making about what the money can be spent on, and when money isn’t spent. Also she would have to accept that you might babysit the daughter a few times when the girl is at your husband’s home. So, again, your husband’s ex-mistress just couldn’t have shared custody with your husband. Instead she will call him names, you names, and she will appreciate any observer who feels bad for that daughter not having your husband as a legal father, and will continue to play herself as hurt in order to attract opinions that your husband never “manned-up” and got shared custody to be a dad.

  21. that woman did not care about your children when she slept with your husband, so why should you care about hers? your only responsability is to take care of your children!!

  22. Wow, that was pretty venomous! It sounds a bit trollish to me. Me thinks “Kate” has some abandonment issues herself maybe?! Perhaps daddy wasn’t there for her or she finds herself in a similar situation as your H’s whore? Whatever. I’m guessing she’s not the sharpest tool in the toolbox as it never seemed to occur to her while she was reading your “disgusting manifestation of ego and rage” to simply stop reading it if it offended her so much! I’m sure you share her sentiment of hoping that she will never run across your blog again either.

  23. Chrissy says:

    Kate is either: 1. an OW herself in a jealous rage, or 2: a woman who grew up without a father because he didn’t want her. Maybe both. You have every right to claim your husbands balls. They are yours.

    • Chrissy says:

      You know what, this woman makes me even more mad. When you said “I do” you were under the impression you were creating a family with one man. And all children in that family would be your family. Not You, your beautiful children, your husband, some random woman, and an innocent child that would become your children’s half brother or sister. You are handing this with grace and restraint and I hate Kate.

      • Hating Kate is understandable. People who say hateful things to innocent people make themselves unlikeable. But, she is obviously very lost inside or she wouldn’t feel the need to hurt and harm with her words. Imagine the pain and sadness she wakes up to if she can come to a random blog created by someone betrayed and in pain and cause more pain by telling her she is repulsive and to blame? Her fragile ego needed to feel a victory and if she felt that was a victory, I am glad for her. The truly victorious here are those who realize that they have worth without hurting others. They are those who protect instead of hurt, who fight for who they love instead of fighting with strangers. Her behavior just makes her a loser.

  24. On many an occasion( as a chosen step mother) I have offered, used clothes, books, gifts and/or my assistance in whatever emotional support was needed for her child. I was bluntly told to “go to HELL”. She wanted nothing from (US) ..esp. from me, as the “grossly inappropriate ” wife of my husband. ( Who tried to take the high road, but wasn’t divorcing her husband to her dismay and rage.) So much my gracious outreach to put the needs of the child first. She determines what is “in the best interest of her child” at this point. Again, it is HER CHOICE, and not my husband’s to choose the parenting circumstances. She is not a cooperative mother who will ever put the child’s needs above her own. And that is the difference here, were are dealing with a toxic, “anti-social” depraved personality and the relationship dynamics are unfortunately negative for the poor child who is trapped in the nightmare of her selfish choices.

    • Same kind of OW here ….pity the children…However as they are growing older I feel that they may be a ticking time bomb particularly in the lives of our children. Something my husband scoffs at just like he scoffed from the very beginning of his ‘shopping’ around , flirting as if it was ‘innocent’ and ‘just how you get along in business’ ! lies of course, but those who are lusting after what they already COULD have if they were not too greedy and lazy …will never want to see it this way .

      His lust and persistant disregard for how his life choices were effecting everyone else have brought about this …and the OW had nothing to lose and everything to gain by playing along…Now she is ‘gaining ‘ all kinds of ‘this world ‘but losing her soul and striving to take the souls of those two children from her ‘choice ‘ and ‘reproductive rights’ to hell along with her.

      I still am making the effort to allow GOD to work in my heart as I pray out of obedience for her soul and theirs …but do not think I feel ‘superior’ or ‘righteous’ by this ..it only serves to show me what kind of ‘suffering’ it is to keep on striving to obey the Lord because of love for HIM …His love has not been appreciated by those who love sin and serve their flesh

      His love commands us to repent…that is change ‘lords’ from serving our flesh, carnal minds and this world …to learn what HE would have us to for His glory and consequently our good in the long run.

      In the meantime it is difficult to observe or hear about how the OW is going about doing more harm as time goes by …it is a bit scary to think of what she will have to give and accounting for before the Lord if she does not wake up and repent…

      I have to make sure I do not step into a ditch myself though ..which is my ‘assignment’ as I go on through this world.

      Hugs to you wounded ones….it is a very tough “assignment” indeed!

      [Reading Jeremiah ...it is something to think over!]

  25. Wow what a complicated mess cheating husbands can create. I know. My husband cheated and I found out about the OC nearly 7 years later. He already had a relationship with the child. My conscience wouldn’t allow cutting that off. And as painful as it was at first to have the child in my home, I wanted the relationship to be with our family and in my site. So I accepted him into the family, in my home for weekends and some extended stays. He knows his siblings, he is the OW’s only child.

    I also know the pain of a child who has been abandoned by a parent. My biological dad walked out with not contact, only minimal child support, when I was young. My brother still carries anger about this. But I also know that my biological father was an abusive alcoholic. We were better off without him.

    My input would be that the situation is in the hands of adults right now. If the child’s mother doesn’t want him involved and that is ok with your husband, then it’s probably what is best. It is a hot mess and there is no easy answer. Later as the child grows she might want to know her father and then the situation might have to be re-evaluated. If your children find out, the situation might have to be re-evaluated. In this mess we are left with after husbands not only leave us with dealing with an affair, but a child also, we make the best decision with what we know at the time.

    Right now the OC in my situation is living out of state, so we don’t see him as often. If they move back or if he chooses to be with his father, then we will have to re-evaluate the situation. I can’t say for sure if I would want him here, but since that isn’t a question on the table, I’m not going to worry about it.

    My impression of “Kate” was that she was a child who feels abandoned by a parent, possibly a child of an affair herself. Whatever her anger is, it’s not with you. You are just easier to lash out at than whoever caused her pain.

    • I commend you for engaging with the OC…I offered but was refused…Like you I found out about the adultery and the two OC after they were already in a relationship with my husband . He took his sweet time getting to ‘no contact’ with the OW …but I have no way to know.

      I DO know that he did not allow me to be present when he broke up with her on the phone …and his reason was he did not want to ‘kick her to the curb’ …something I was willing to ‘understand’ since they had been in the adultery for 14 years.

      I want to say I felt so put upon in that I felt that I was on the outside of what had been a more meaningful and deeper relationship than my husband ALLOWED me to have with him

      I since feel that …as he has said …he was no closer to her than he ever was with me …He basically got whatever he could easily from each of us ….REALLY becoming a married family man was not in his ‘wheelhouse’ …I feel this is such a weak and immature place for a man and thus I DO believe marriage is for men and women who realize that marriage requires each to give and be concerned about the other rather than self

      Jesus talked about ‘dying to self’ in order to follow Him…a true change of identity from dead to living …and marriage is similar …a change of identity from single to married.

      I had a thought today …IN marriage there will be a crucifixion….either of self or the other.

      My husband chose to ‘crucify’ me and our children in order to serve himself. I laid down my life but he walked on over the body …out the door and then climbed on another woman….Nice analogy huh…..

      Still …I know who I am serving FOR …I am a bond servant to the Lord Jesus Christ and in this case I am still laying down my life in obedience to the way I am able to learn from my Bible through the holy spirit what to do …It may change and develop as I learn more and more …as that is what GROWTH is …in my understanding …at least that has been my experience as I sought to learn from the study and submitting to those things which I was learning over the years…from the WORD …not so fast to accept the various input of others…though many may mean well …a lot are still walking by the emotions and the flesh ..which we all need to deal with.

      The OW …and my husband do not speak …but the OC have become his replacement for dealing with the damage in our lives. He is just not capable of thinking of how making decisions by his emotions and feelings damage others.

      Hope this changes soon…but I am not ‘in charge’ of anyone …God is the only one who can change someone and will not without their asking and cooperation as far as I know.

      As long as these can manipulate and get what they think will suffice them they will continue to ‘not need’ to go to anyone but someone with money , status or whatever else they think will ‘fill the hole’

      God chose the weak things to confound the wise…indeed…when I am weak HE IS STRONG!
      ["Weak" NOT STUPID! His strength is made manifest in my 'weakness' ...or recognition of my need for HIM!]

  26. Dmer127isevil says:

    The OW in our lives decided she was the only victim. Despite a few months down the line accusing a random guy in the running club of harassing women that had told her. She said 3 or 4 women had told her. She did this to bring it to my husbands attention as in her sick twisted mind she wanted to manipulate him into feeling sorry for her. She emailed him and several others in the club. Unfortunately the police were not called but she was subsequently thrown out of the club. She has later stated it was my husbands lies that got her thrown out. Despite him being clear to her virtual friend marc that she was not to not contact him she continued. Crying down the phone saying he was not the first to call the police on her. We have since found out that she has many names and we are not sure if she is a ‘real’ person.
    Most OW are truly nasty vicious manipulative vindictive women and this one sounds no different.

  27. cassee01 says:

    if the OC were my child I would be afraid of the Whore raising the child – who knows what damage she will inflict on this child as unstable as she sounds and as manipulative and devious as she is – it is sad truly because the child is innocent and doesn’t deserve a life living with a mentally unstable person – I know many of my daughters friends whose father’s pay child support but are not a part of their daughter’s lives and to them it’s a knife in the heart – one of them has talked to me about it and her biggest question is why doesn’t he care about me? why doesn’t he want me? why aren’t I good enough? and in this case it is all about the mother, he does not want ANY contact with the mother and hates her but the child is the one paying the price…in my case I didn’t want any contact with my daughters father so we did exchanges through a center where neither party ever sees for speaks with the other and all communication went through a third objective party – with the money that your family has I’m sure you could pay some type of mediator to handle communication

    • I wonder why the OW assume that the family of the MM has money ..AND that if they do why THEY should be entitled to it! ….We are now in deep debt and my husband has had to start from scratch building a business…..since the OW had to have children wanting to be a ‘single mom by choice’ she quite work….worked my husband’s guilt and has extorted several million over the years …getting him to give her huge amounts at the drop of a phone call due to some ‘crisis’

      Our financial situation at the time she approached him was good …since we had been married a while ..I was frugal and my husband was at the peak of his earning years…HE was foolish and under the delusion that he was ‘big time’ and would always be so…Isn’t this JUST what scripture warns us …that we should be good stewards and not assume anything about the future!

      He bought her a new townhouse…a new lexus [because the one she had would not accomodate a child seat!
      She has never had to wait for anything …such as we did as our family was always moving and making ‘do’ with whatever was a handmedown which was FINE with me …as I always thought that we agreed not to spend until we could pay cash.

      This woman and adultery darkened my husband’s mind …good sense which he USED to have was gone along with lots of cash

      I was not involved in our money since I trusted my husband and this was his strongsuit…Mine as in other areas ..so we had a ‘division of labor’ that works when both are honest and transparent.

      I did not catch his stealth development of a routine that caused him to appear to be trustworthy and caring …but really busy ….so all of us have suffered in this area …accept the OW …who is still getting a pretty good sum ..though I am retired and of the age where I had thought we might have some golden years as many husband’s have wanted with their wives and families.

      Greed and lust have destroyed not just my husband’s life ..but it has cost all of us …we have two adult virtuous daughters who will probably not have a wedding even if they happen to have a young man who comes into their lives…a lot to untangle…this COULD actually bring about no grandchildren as well.

      Adultery and hijacking of spouses is no SMALL thing …and women who sacrifice their children to gain whatever monetary sum are akin to those who are linked to sex trafficking in my thinking . It is a CRIME …and it is not unlike terrorism in the length of how many lives it damages…even if those lives are secure in the faith …it is a LOT to overcome in heart, and mind….even as a soul may be saved.

      These predators do not realize they are working for the wrong ‘team’ and their ill gotten gains are no more than piracy….the society may not have any laws in place to bring any justice to bare but the WHOLE society will suffer ..and even now does from the fall out of these selfish people who continue to gain …and get away with it ..through sexual sin .

      As one pointed out here about happening to run into another person’s car …a penalty is laid upon the responsible one …in adultery the penalty is laid upon all …except the one who does the crime often does not suffer as they ought to ….but sooner or later the piper will be paid

      Someone asked why no laws exist that might even just cause people to PAUSE to consider a penalty …but I think too many industries gain from sexual sin in our society …someone pointed out that the U.S. exports the most porn over the world…I don’t know but even a little is too much.

      I was exposed as a child through my father’s Playboy …it was considered a ‘gentleman’s magazine’ now I realize if it was so ‘acceptable’ WHY was it under my parents bed.

      And you may ask what was I doing looking under their bed? I had a cat who was not supposed to be in the house and I was after it ….It really does not matter much …if it is not there it would not have been found

      If a person has nothing to hide…they hide nothing .

      God is over all …and we all will give an account …but people do not realize this or care many times…in this day …many think there is no one to answer to ! Sad …so much damage done …so few take responsibility for it …I know I am still waiting for my husband to do so.

      He believes he is a ‘great guy’ since he sees those OC often during the week…but I noticed he spoke with more love and more words to one of our dogs last night than he has since several years ago to me .

      Though I am kind to him but have not let him be ignorant of what he might do to become more trustworthy or do right …he treats me like wallpaper …while taking time to speak to others…our daughters and time even from work to make time for the OC.

      Good for them …I do not doubt this …but out of order. To him it was his choice to either attend to the marriage he has damaged OR to be a ‘father’ to the OC ….he chose them…and still tries to smooze our daughters who find this shameful and cowardly …they are not blind or stupid…they know the proper order of how a man is to behave in his jurisdictions …He refuses …and thinks it is nothing now that he is not ‘having sex’ with the OW.

      • The OW in my situation worked with him and was very aware of his income as she did his accounting. Some women chase men of certain professions because they know their earning potential.

      • I realize this too ….I think the other post that seemed to say ..why don’t you provide …perhaps not it was not addressing you yourself …but those who are not in this situation may also feel that the family of the CS SHOULD provide plentifully for the OW in the situations where she has a child.

        I do feel we have been put in an extortionary situation ….the OW did do as you have pointed out as the area where my husband was transferred to was a hot spots of prosperity and upper income employment…Many young women go ‘trolling’ for husbands there or in this case …for any kind of alliance they can manage to gain access to the wealth they perceive that is there .

        I have actually seen sites that give the demographics for the likelihood of finding a ‘husband ‘in areas identified to young women on the prowl….My husband’s ego outran our bankbook!
        But he continues to strive to outrun consequences since he now feel full responsibility ..which may be noble and needed but calls upon our whole household to suffer …while she takes no thought about it …having no ‘need’ to work ..despite the deep hole our family is in …we worked HARD through the years to gain any amount of preparation for these later years …even though my husband should be in this state ..our family should not have to be so …yet …we all pay for his playing….and not even a divorce would make any difference but would be even worse off …as I am unemployable …having not been in my careers for the years I have been home and schooling our children and am now beyond retirement age.

        This woman is much younger and very employable but chooses to go back to college to get and advanced degree …and being a ‘single mom’ she sucks of us and the government programs to provide for ‘single moms’ …what a racket!

      • There are so many women that husband shop. I know the AP in our situation checked him out on facebook. Ridiculous how much you can see there. What kind of house do you have? Car? Family dressed nicely? Belong to any clubs or organizations? It’s like a resume for crazy stalkers to read!!

  28. my thoughts on this comment?
    you don’t need to react to such comment at all we clearly know what type of woman you are and what type of people are those who wrote that comment to you. I am sure she must have been a woman who prys on MM

  29. confused says:

    i stumbled upon your blog after a search about the situation i am in now. i never comment on blogs or forums but i really need someone to talk to who understands and maybe shed some light on what i should do with life now. i am very depressed. unlike yours, mine isnt very supportive and wants me to get over it quickly when it took him months to leave them and is now asking me if it’s ok to visit the creature they created. that’s after only a month of claiming to have finally chosen me. i will continue reading all your entries and hope to gain enlightenment. i do not come from a country where a lot of counseling and group therapy is offered so the web is really my only resource now. :(

  30. Hi. I’m glad that you did post a comment that hurt your feelings. I just found your blog and this is the first entry that I have read. I like that you have the “balls’ to post negative comments. It annoys me when I read other betrayed blogs that only have pro comments galore and no or very few con comments. That is unrealistic. Like you said – everyone reacts differently. Even women horrendously betrayed, like me, will find many bloggers who have also been betrayed completely full of contempt. The fact that they haven’t posted my replies to their outrageous and destructible behavior (outside of the home) just shows to me how weak and fallible they really are – instead of proclaiming how strong and forgiving or how they’ve overcome their pain. If you are strong – you will post replies you detest. If you are forgiving you will post replies that hurt your sense of false pride. If you are strong and forgiving – you will even post the replies along with your own reply like you have done.

    The only thing I’d like to state, and this is something other bloggers who have been betrayed so horrendously, is that they often use the word whore for just a regular gal. I do wish those who have been betrayed horrendously would use the word other woman or something else, like bitch, because I immediately think of whore as in paid money for sex – like my husband did dozens of times and then I think, “oh, I see, her husband did the same thing…went to whores and paid them for sex” and then I find out that the women were not being paid for sex but where instead just regular gals having sex with a man who is married. There is such a huge, huge difference and maybe only women like me understand. A whore is not a regular gals who “effs” another woman’s husband – she just isn’t. She is probably your mother (or was), your sister, your aunt, your grandmother, your friend, your daughter. But unless she works for money by giving men sex then she is not a whore and you take away the importance and huge pain that we, women who have had men pay for sex out of our family fund when the money could have gone for family food or other things.

    But again, this is your blog and like I have stated on other blogs, I realize that you are thinking “how dare she tell me how to write my blog – it’s my blog and she doesn’t have to post a reply let alone even read it….”

    • Thanks for replying. I have no issues posting replies, unless they hurt others in which case I won’t.

      In terms of your feelings about the word “whore”, I guess we will have to disagree. I consider, as does one popular dictionary, a whore to be one who compromises her principles for personal gain. Whore in the sexual term is a newer reference, because sex is only one way in which people do this, and it has now been attached to sex as requiring money for sex, but thats juay a prostitute. One can exhibit whoring behavior without sex. A prostitute is a whore, but a white isn’t necessarily a prostitute.

      So, in my case, the woman who decided to knowingly sleep with my husband, did so in order to profit personally and financially. It was her wish to break up my family so that she could have it. It was her wish to get pregnant so that she could manipulate my husband into staying with her, and the keeping the baby was made in order to inflict harm and gain financially. She slept with a man and a father of three knowing his wife loves him and was unknowing. Did she, in your opinion, compromise her moral integrity for personal gain? Yup. She’s a whore.

      Merriam Webster states that a whore is also an “unscrupulous person”

      The Oxford dictionary considers a whore to be one who debases oneself by doing something for unworthy motives.

      The Cambridge dictionary defines a whore as “a woman whose behavior in her sexual relationships is considered immoral”.

      So, this is why I use this term quite comfortably. She is a woman who behaved immorally in her sexual relationships for personal gain and exhibited unscrupulous behavior.

    • I am so sorry for your situation but I disagree with you …The OW who ‘just effed’ my husband …did so for GAIN …she TOOK from our family …not just money ..resources of TIME , FOCUS , AFFECTION, INVOLVEMENT which was intended to bring about maturity and an appreciation for the VALUE of spouse and family.

      ALL of us lost , including my husband who was simply ‘lacking understanding’ as the Bible puts it for those who seek to find what they already have at home! HE had it all and more than most…but he simply felt he COULD so he felt he SHOULD be ENTITLED to what he felt was an ICON of success in short …like the ‘big guys’ …for whatever that may mean to some.

      We lost so much MORE than dollars and cents…HE LOST SENSE!

      We are now deeply in debt in that area which you speak of these who do not ‘sell’ their wares.

      She took EVERYTHING she could convince him she was entitled to …either blatantly asking or situating various ‘crisises ‘ to the degree he simply handed over cash so he could just get back to his business or get her off his back

      OUR daughters who were grown up in learning morals and the value of godliness will not have any kind of weddings any time soon if they do actually become courted….we believe in that sort of approach to marriage. We have NO money and even most of any savings or retirement is now gone.

      Once I viewed the situation of our future with care and steward as well as I might … despite the growing ability of my husband’s income I did not take advantage of it …I did not spend spend spend…I felt it was my responsiblity to protect and be wise in any expenses …just as we once agreed to in our earliest years of marriage .

      This woman is the ipitimy of a thief ..and she first found the vulnerablities in my husband and then blindfolded him with her sexual offers of ‘no strings’

      No woman who ‘serves’ the sexual ‘ appetites of a married man [ or single ] does him or her any favors ….but damage is done not just to the two and the spouse …but to all kinds of others who are no where on their radar at the time…but that is another post for another time…JUST THINK!!!

      Adultery has it very own commandment among the ten ,…because it is THAT SERIOUS A CRIME against one’s own body which is the temple of the living GOD …as well as that of the OP ..and the SPOUSE!~

      There is NO GOOD from it …forgivable yes…but it is instructive to note …Jesus forgave but added the warning to the woman caught in adultery ;..”GO and SIN …NO MORE” !

      It is deadly !

  31. Hollywood will NEVER show the truth of what this kind of thing does …and that it seems to be growing is even worse….I realize that today’s ability to learn of things going on like this may be said to be ‘just that we know about it ‘ and that it ‘always has gone on ‘ …I do not doubt that this has always been in some aspects of history …but now it seems that more and more people who you would think would NEVER consider doing it are DOING it…

    I shudder to think …but biblical it seems that there is reason to realize that once the ‘gates open’ on sin such as this …it becomes a’ plague ‘ and a ‘flood’ ….overrunning societies until it destroys them from the inside out …just as sin kills the flesh body eventually …Jesus Christ offers us salvation which save the soul ..even as the body expires…So thankful for this truth .

    In the meantime …many are hurt by these who feel entitled to live unto their flesh without any concern for what it does to others as well as themselves >….I still find it hard to believe a woman could do this kind of thing to her own children ..but now I have to face that my husband was a partner in crime to such a lowlife….Gives me chills…..

  32. I’m 5 months out from DDay.. Worst pain I’ve ever felt. Thank you for your blog. I feel less alone. I’ve gone back to the start and read all your posts… All caught up and I look forward to what you write next.

    • I’m sorry you have joined this club. It is so painful. I wish I could rewind time for you and not have you go through it. I wish I had that ability :(

      Thank you for reading and caring to learn my story.

  33. [I finished writing this and I seemed to have indulged the opportunity to vent my thoughts here at GREAT LENGTH!...I hope you will forgive me ...being able to share the thoughts I have through this process that has been laid upon me as all of you have had to deal too ....I find few places to relieve myself of the thoughts that pertain to it.....Thank you for this blog which shares a lot of what we all are going through ...I hope my sharing will somehow relate and maybe be of use to you as well ..]

    Our pain is most evident AND our effort to be compassionate …yet it is interesting that adulterers were put to death in the records of the Bible .Forgiveness came by way of Jesus Christ, but the laws of the land still stood in terms of these who engaged in adultery which had the same punitive consequence as murder , ‘coincidentally”.

    If those who were engaging in it were found out and there were two or three witnesses to attest and agree to the CRIME, as it was considered…then death was the physical consequence.

    It was not just disapproved up as ‘inappropriate ‘ it was viewed as a serious threat to the health and strength of the society!~as it is indeed!

    Seems like fear of physical death would put a cause for concern about avoiding it …yet we see the record of those who disregarded the danger …King David due to his sense of entitlement no doubt ‘risked’ all for Bathsheba ….since his status as King among the pagan neighbors had some impact upon his mind as ‘entitlement’ no doubt for we are told ‘evil companions..[influences] corrupt good morals’ and without any effort to turn ourselves from these things we see they DO impact us in unhealthy and immoral ways …as they say …we do not ‘catch health’ as we do ‘catch a cold’ in this fallen world!

    Moral values require knowledge and vigilant maintenance to be effective …aka WISDOM.
    Despite man’s conscience which will call him to account for his imprudence…man’s heart is ‘desperately wicked and deceitful above all things ‘ apart from concern for the Maker of all things!

    So once man is convinced that there is ‘no GOD” what is to stop him from indulging his own lusts and greedy appetites?

    Caring for others? We see that some believe that their devious secretive manipulation of the reality of their spouses lives and families is acceptable to be considered ‘loving ‘ and ‘consideration’ …aka ‘What they don’t know won’t hurt them’

    Or they consider their indulgence in the bodies and lives of those who ‘consent ‘ as if that too is concern for the welfare of someone who is willing to indulge …since’ they are not married ‘ or ‘presently involved with anyone ‘ …NO …they too are damaged ..they just may not realize it as yet…the life ..the time ..the health are all preyed upon and lost during adultery! EVEN those who THINK they are not accountable to anyone !

    The scriptures inform us that ‘your life is not your own you have been bought by a price’ a price no mere man could pay …for our sake HE laid down His life and and was raised …when we were justified….WHAT do WE OWE one who paid such a price? What could we offer in payment …What do we have that we did not receive? ! Do we not owe allegiance and obedience at the very least to the one who is wiser in HOW we are made and what state the world became embroiled in by one man’s disobedience???

    Failing to acknowledge this mankind believes his own devices of what ‘seems right’ to himself and that as the scriptures tells us outright ..”What seems right to a man ends in death’

    Maybe we do not take that to heart..that does not change the fact of the deadly outcome of impudent disobedience and self assured right to lust after anyone we might find willing!

    King David’s whole household paid a dear price for the example and sin of the father even though he repented and was sorrowful unto repentance ..some consequences could not be erased as easily and sorrow hung over his household…His God ordained jurisdiction was his own governing or not …which suffering he brought upon himself and those under his position of authority.

    Today’s culture underestimates the impact of a man’s authority due to the effort to neutralize the gender differences and god ordained responsibilities…no one’s are of lesser importance by gender ..both sustain or destroy whatever the order ordained is given …it is how design continues to confound the efforts of mankind to deny ..>God’s order remains in effect no matter how much man does not like it …and tries to redefine or ‘rebrand’ as the new age persists in it’s efforts to ‘evolve ‘ ..the world and life on it …is of the Creator and Designers good will and wisdom . It cannot be organically changed because the foundation is spiritual and of the ONLY spirit which prevails …that of GOD ALMIGHTY …despite all arguments to the contrary …all flesh DIES …and the unseen soul goes on being explained by the creature despite the clear revelation from the Creator!
    Seeking to justify oneself is a lengthy and historical attribute of fallen man…it is futile before Him with whom we have to do ultimately and presently though unseen and thus defied!

    Out of sight out of mind does not work with the Lord! HE sees all things and records them forever …forgiveness and redemption has been made available …it is in our ballpark now ….we must seek truth and then choose our response.

    I believe it was for more than just anger that this was carried out …or jealousy. Adultery has such far reaching consequences spiritually , physically [ disease, pregnancy] financially, that a society was greatly wounded and damaged as well as the immediate family involved.

    To keep this from becoming ‘normalized’ among the greater population it was considered not just appropriate but necessary for the continuance of the society.

    We see the damaging effects upon a society when we observe not just the past records of those civilizations which indulged in this and other sins …some as some kind of ‘religious’ practice …such as in Corinth…but even in our own culture . When moral boundaries are cast off MUCH damage spreads like plague to the utter most points of a culture.

    So then to keep this from becoming a ‘light matter’ among people groups it was not just condemned for condemnation’s sake but dealt with severely to cause people to give a pause and to learn to practice preventative measures in how they chose their company and activities and environments.

    This kind of decisive wariness brought about more safety in and among not just neighborhoods but in the lives of children who would grow up seeing the benefits of fidelity.

    This is no longer the case as even in and among those who care about such things…adultery , and even murder has been depicted in media as commonplace. Viewing much violence, sexual activity or hearing it spoken of in dialogues as if it is the more usual outcome of being a human being has made it more readily presumed to be commonplace if not acceptable

    Not long ago there was a phrase ” boys will be boys’ …with the increasing effects of feminism not only have the various ‘privileges” once ‘reserved’ for only men with tolerance of all kinds of sinful and destructive behavior being assumed to be ‘normal’ and part of their growing into men …which was actually a letting loose of their baser appetites unbound by character or care for others lives ..but women decided they too had a ‘right’ to the ‘recreations enjoyed’ by men!

    Thus the guardians of childhood virtue began to insist upon the ‘rights’ to live immoral lives and the example and care for the way this kind of greedy lifestyle has crept in and stolen away the example of the value of moral living and it’s benefits from the view of children.

    What can be expected of children who grow up without a daily and ongoing training by a parent whose very presence and hands on parenting is set aside and put into the care of strangers of unknown values . The state taking up the parenting privileges God has invested and ordained the fathers and mothers to be responsible for.

    With the coming rise of Socialism there has been more value placed upon the service to the State than one’s own offspring but this is the deception. The state of the nation is in the strength of the moral character of it’s citizens and we have been all but fully destroyed by way of the ideas that ‘set us free from the parental responsibilities and have taken for truth the lies which say that ‘experts’ know better than God and parents who love their children.

    We have accepted lies and felt the comfort of them as we allowed justifications for derilect of parental duties to train up our children in the way that they should go and instruction in the right things laid before us as God who Created all things has entrusted them to us with the coming of a child into a marriage.

    Failing to value all aspects of the benefits of marriage and parenting …we see many casting off first responsibilities as if they are still going to bring forth the same results of godly obedience which this trust has offered to parents in every way.

    The yielding of such blessings of this privilege to others has rendered the whole nation plundered of the very strengths that in the past were majority and worthily brought forth a wealth and respectability that spread throughout the whole world . Respected as one nation under God as intended to be sustained as longs as people of that nation were in a majority committed to individually take responsibility for governing of their own lives according to the laws of God as set forth in His Word.

    Some justify their rebellion and disdain for our Nation saying that there were some who came to establish the New World who were scoundrels and thieves as if they were the major part of the new citizenry ….but that would assume that there is some part of our world where sinners do not abide! As if the Fall of man did not explain our sorry lot where in we war not against flesh and blood but against principalities and powers not seen and not intended to endure long in our present realm.

    We are fallen but those who are accepting of this truth and seek the Savior are thus equipped to learn our own vulnerabilities and thus insist that we PERSIST in keeping ourselves unspotted from deliberate co-operation with that weakness prone to justify sinful acts by way of excuses .

    No we are all held accountable but none able to pay the debt sin owes …we MAY seek out and find the Savior who has paid our due…but whose commands are set for us to follow after and learn to obey and thus to REFUSE the law of sin that works in our very members through thoughts that try to excuse our defiant refusal to be accountable to any but our own bassist urges.

    No …BOTH who know that this is sin …and it is known by the inner man ..the conscience even of the weakest sort KNOWS this is a painful thing and thus HIDE it …

    So BOTH are accountable and without any calling upon the Savior for repentance will perish …the soul unbound by any boundaries which would direct them away from persistent collusion with the enemy of our souls.

    The very state of the union of countries is undermined by immorality touted as sport…and thus empires fall …why is it that man does not live with any fear of the ultimate outcome of his choices….for the fear of God IS the BEGINNING of knowledge and that …self knowledge to see the futility of pride in one’s own perceptions of this world as revolving around our very appetites!

    Fed and encouraged by the surrounding approval of the intentional dumbing down of our knowledge of the truth of the Word of GOD …we are shoveled gently and not so gently into the “ditches” and “pits” as the Word puts is ..which are simply synonyms for “graves’ from the which those whose consciences have become reprobate do not return .

    Praying for all is wise and a dutiful enterprise… since our enemy is about to be, if not already has been, ‘let loose’ to do his worst before the coming of the Lord eventually assuredly will come if we do not expire first .

    Both and all who deliberately and intentionally conspire to prey upon the flesh ,…married or unmarried as yet …are destine for painful consequences for ignoring what has always been seen as a sinful and destructive behavior .

    All have sinned and come short of the glory of GOD most assuredly …but not all have set their minds and hearts to do so deliberately with full intention and knowledge of the pain that it will bring about and all of the other aspects of this infection of our culture!

    If this is not so,….why make so much effort to hide it …to deny it …to blame for the weakness and cowardly ways those who enter into it insist upon their ‘right’ or ‘duty ‘ to the wicked ?

    It is pride and a darkened mind which refused to ‘keep God in their thoughts’ as Roman’s chapter one explains ..but that truth does not make it any less painful to all.

    May their eyes be opened and their hearts break over it before their lifespan expires and seek out the lover of their souls who gave us the example of love which sacrifices self for the sake of love …to protect and provide …and did not seek His own will but the Fathers .

    Fathers who demonstrate the character of the God who is Father to all creation or who demonstrates the character of the ‘father of lies’ who seeks to ‘steal , kill and destroy’ while making merry over the clueless hoards who gulp down sin as if it were candy !

    >…OH…I seem to have written a book here …once I begin ..thought upon thought seems linked …the pain is deep as you all sadly know. Along with forgiveness there is a response ABILITY ..to do what is right…to seek to learn what is called for…for reconciliation does not take place without a repentant mind and a diligent effort to not just admit this sin but to OWN the damages and learn what must be done to recompense by way of seeking TRANSPARENCY by way of also seeking ACCOUNTABILITY ..recognizing the need for ones own benefit as a sinner who is insisting upon ‘fixing ‘ things by his own standards will fail to convey sincerity and any assurance of any kind of useful change in his ways .

    Thus it is not fear that rules the betrayed so much as the awareness of a lack of real caring about the damages done .

    Whether it occurs again is not even a question …because a person who has committed adultery UNLESS they realize the damage they have done to themSELVES will not seek to change much ….I think it is because of the fact that their very SELFISHNESS has been the source of their seeking their own way that has been a very strong motive to go after this sin .

    Since SELF is all important to them …their lack of seeking out how they themselves must make some mental changes first toward all of the damage and thus come to understand the devastation of the choice to act in this most selfish way ….they will not change or put forth much effort.

    It seems to me that unless they see the value in making changes in their own thinking and ways ….they will continue to seek out ways to just ‘feel better’ about what they choose….thus blame casting or minimizing is useful to keep them locked in a state of self protection and denial of their responsibility to the wounded spouse.

    This is something of what I see and experience …sorry it is long…but now after six years and observing my husband’s concern for the state of the OC at the expense of all of us . This is what I have come to see so far…

    It is his way of feeling better about all the damage done without having to do much about his own responsibilities to me or our family . Still his statements are that he would like to die and rather go to Hell than make any efforts to change his way of dealing with it . I think that his ways of ‘caring ‘ for ‘ the OC is something of a placebo for making any real changes in his character.

    Pride has played a huge part in this …He was raised hearing from his own mother and father .”No one has any right to tell another person about God’ aka ..”.you are your own god…and answer to no higher authority than your own fleshly mind”

    ….God reveals this as deadly! It leads to living a life “free” of guilt but guilt remains …underlying the pursuit of pleasure as hedonistic philosophy fills the mind with ‘eat drink and be merry because this is all there is ! ” or the idea that we may return time and again as ‘karma’ demands us to learn ….God proclaims from His knowing the end from the beginning that ‘it is appointed unto man ONCE to die and THEN the judgment’

    So man if he does not take it to heart ….RUNS after some kind of ‘medication’ to keep from thinking about this ultimate “possibility” and is never satisfied!”Ever learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth’ as scriptures proclaim!

    …but God offers us freedom from the condemnation that we are born under due to Adam’s fall which takes all of us bodily to the end of life of our bodies…Our souls being eternal have been offered eternity with our Creator who grieved the state of fallen man ….and provided the WAY for us to return to Him and be redeemed.

    This is my trust and my hope…it is not from others but from my own ongoing study of His Word throughout many situations that I am amazed did not turn me away from trusting in this truth.

    It was not an iceberg that took down the TITANIC…but man’s arrogant pride in what he thought was his ability to produce the unsinkable solution to all possible opposition to his limited view of his own plans of Utopian ‘heaven on earth’ ….Jesus remarked “My kingdom is NOT OF THIS world’ we seem not to see it that way when we are focused upon our own ‘goodness’ apart from His.

    Adultery is one giant assault to play God just because it ‘feels good’ for a season ….and we may think we are capable to wipe away or get away without any wounds…at least if you listen to the ‘reasoning’ of those who engage in it . If sexual activity is so ‘necessary ‘ as need like food, air and water , then why is there a command to govern our engaging in it? Something so precious and powerful demands our valuing it and protecting it by keeping it within the boundaries set for the good of all!

  34. betrayalsurvivor1981 says:

    As adults, we are responsible for our actions, and adults know that engaging in extramarital affairs is wrong. Therefore, any pain and devastation that occur – directly or indirectly – related to an affair is the fault of BOTH the WH/OW or the WW/OM! There is no way ANYONE involved in an affair has “clean hands.” The OW who has an EA/PA/BOTH with a MM is with someone who DOESN’T belong to her; and the OM who has an EA/PA/BOTH with a MW is with someone who DOESN’T belong to him.

    It doesn’t matter that the AP didn’t take vows with the Betrayed Spouse. It doesn’t matter that the marriage had vulnerabilities, as EVERY marriage has vulnerabilities. That doesn’t give the WH/OW or WW/OM carte blanche to be with each other! If the owners of a house, for example, are away and the front/back/garage door has been left unlocked, any person who enters that house unauthorizedly will be guilty of a felony, punishable by law. It doesn’t matter that the house was vulnerable. If a car is parked anywhere, unlocked and even with the keys in the ignition, any person who enters that car unauthorizedly and drives away is guilty of a felony. It doesn’t matter that the car was vulnerable.

    The OW in Mr. RMM’s case preyed upon his insecurities and weaknesses during a difficult period in his life. Yes, he is most definitely guilty of betraying his wife, having unprotected illicit sex, and producing a child as a result. That said, however, the OW is also most definitely guilty. She pursued him and tried to trap him by DELIBERATELY becoming pregnant (hoping that he would leave his wife and children), even though she had previously made it crystal clear that she never wanted children. She is as guilty as the cheating husband of causing pain and devastation to a person who had never done her any wrong whatsoever – the cheating husband’s betrayed wife!

    • Your felony comparision is a complete fail. Why? Well… because the husband wanted it, too. You continue to make him seem like this victim who didn’t know what was he doing and who got “seduced” by a whore. He wanted her. He wanted to be with her because the affair actually lasted a year? I think? This example with stealing an unlocked car… I mean… the car wanted to be stolen. So is it really a felony? No. Like I said, the whole felony example is a complete fail because you cannot steal someone who doesn’t want to be stolen. It takes two to tango and this “he was vulnerable” crap is not an excuse.

      It is remarkable how the husband gets away with it. It’s always the whore’s fault or the wife’s fault. But the husband always gets away with it.

  35. I JUST came across your blog and I want to say THANK YOU!! I am going through this very same thing right now, it was revealed about a month ago that my husband was cheating with a woman I know. She watched my 4 year old many times and now SHE is pregnant. Although, HE didn’t tell me, she did, we are going through counseling and trying to repair our marriage. He also wants nothing to do with her or the child and she can’t stand it…she thinks its ME that’s making him, lol! It’s crazy because the affair was during the time I was pregnant with TWINs, on bedrest!! and she knew it! She came to my baby shower and everything. It’s just very sad. I am really scared about the financial aspect as we are not “millionaires” and can’t afford our 3 children PLUS what she may get!! Uugh!!! Any advice would be awesome!

    • Legally it would be prudent of you to have your husband and you draft a marriage settlement or maintenance agreement and file it with the court that establishes that 50% of all husbands earnings are in affect your separate property. He must write checks to you for maintenance and IRS purposes. File IRS tax returns noting maintenance payments as your income, pay taxes this way. Is a legal means to protect marital property income from assignment orders for support for OW child. if it comes to that in the future. Be proactive. You also can agree in writing to support of children based on guidelines or other agreed to support. Check with an attorney about filing the papers. Signed agreements and IRS tax returns may be sufficient proof for the courts. But do not admit paternity to OW. Do not sign any paternity acknowledgements or agree to blood tests unless court ordered. make nothing easy for the OW to use against you. Put all legal burdens on the OW, meanwhile you take steps to quarantine marital property earnings by “characterizing” that income as separate property. Which then can not be used to satisfy obligations (debts) the husband may be solely “liable for” in any future event.

    • dotcablogger says:

      Are you in Canada? And which province? Anyway, if you’re Canadian, then you would have to refer to the Family Courts that are in your province. What you should do right now is see a Family Law lawyer and get counsel from him or her. You can’t google and look up what you should do to financially protect yourself from your ex-friend (or the one who had an affair with your husband). This woman will likely play the wronged woman card and get Legal Aid (if she qualifies) to legally force your family to pay for her child

    • dotcablogger says:

      @BT

      Here is British Columbia’s Legal Services Society: http://www.familylaw.lss.bc.ca/

      For Alberta: Centre for Public Legal Education Alberta, http://www.lawcentralalberta.ca/LawCentralAlberta/default.aspx

      And please refer to this Legal Service list for Albertans: http://www.albertacourts.ab.ca/go/ProvincialCourt/Civil/Links/tabid/199/Default.aspx

      For Saskatchewan:

      Family Law Information

      http://www.justice.gov.sk.ca/Family-Law-Information

      323-3085 Albert St. Regina SK S4S 0B1
      Phone: (306) 787-5837 Fax: (306) 787-0107
      Toll Free in Saskatchewan Only: 1-888-218-2822
      Email: svp@gov.sk.ca

      For Manitoba:

      Legal Help Centre

      http://legalhelpcentre.ca/

      202-393 Portage Avenue
      (Second floor of Portage Place at the west end of the mall)
      Our mailing address is:
      202-393 Portage Avenue,
      Winnipeg, MB, R3B 3H6
      Phone: (204) 258-3096

      For Ontario:

      Community Legal Education Ontario (CLEO) has pamphlets about family law on the CLEO website or in print: http://www.cleo.on.ca/english/pub/onpub/subject/family.htm

      The Family Law Education for Women (FLEW) website provides family law information in thirteen languages and different formats: http://www.onefamilylaw.ca/

      Community Legal Clinics: http://www.legalaid.on.ca/en/contact/contact.asp?type=cl

      For Quebec:

      Organizations and community legal clinics: http://www.montrealgazette.com/Resources+Legal+services+information/3028066/story.html

      For New Brunswick:

      Organizations and community legal clinics: http://www.familylawnb.ca/english/lawyer_legal_advice_clinics

      For Nova Scotia: Family Law Nova Scotia, http://nsfamilylaw.ca/

      For P.E.I.:

      Community Legal Information Association: Prince Edward Island

      http://www.cliapei.ca/

      For Newfoundland:

      Public Legal Information: Association of NL, http://www.publiclegalinfo.com/home/

      For Yukon:

      Family Law Information Centre (FLIC), http://www.yukonflic.ca/

      For Northwest Territories:

      Law Society of the Northwest Territories, http://www.lawsociety.nt.ca/public/legal-information/

      If you live in Nunavut, then you can look up the “The Law Society of Nunavut”

    • dotcablogger says:

      @BT

      That friend of yours who knowingly had an affair (while you were pregnant) with your husband, will very likely be venomous towards you. She already is thinking that you are controlling your husband’s feelings about her, and his decision *to not* be paternally involved when her baby is born.

      So this friend is already blaming you. And for what? You’re married to the man that she knowingly pursued to have a sexual relationship with while you were pregnant. That move, she chose to do, is a douche bag move. She did a wrong against your marriage (your relationship) with your husband. So please don’t wholly lay responsibility on your husband because it takes two people to have an affair. So it takes the decisions from two people.

      Also, I strongly recommend that you get legal advice from a community legal clinic, from a family law lawyer, and prepare you and your family for a legal proceeding from your husband’s ex-mistress. She will likely seek out Legal Aid (if her income qualifies) and get a court order for your husband to take a paternity test. And if your husband is the biological father, you MUST be legally protected to minimize the amount of money she will demand from you and your family to pay as support for her baby. Also, you and your family MUST be legally educated to know if your husband should pursue shared custody. Shared custody is an option because it will provide your husband decision-making involvement for how the ex-mistress can and can’t use his financial support for the baby. He will be a parent to the baby, and will be empowered to make decisions on how his payments can and can’t be used by his ex-mistress.

      Please do not think ideally about this friend of yours. She is a woman, and women get very bitchy when they think they’re a victim or have been wronged. So when women qualify to use Family Law, they will use the law to serve their agendas to get retribution or satisfaction.

    • dotcablogger says:

      BT,

      “Although, HE didn’t tell me, she did, we are going through counseling and trying to repair our marriage. He also wants nothing to do with her or the child and she can’t stand it.”

      Despite her coming to you about their affair, you still have to be cautious and practical. You said that she “can’t stand it” that your husband has decided to having nothing to do with her and her upcoming baby. That indicates that she is beginning to feel venom and resentment. She won’t reflect on her past decisions, like the major one of choosing to have an affair with your husband. She knew you, but still chose to have a sexual relationship with your husband. So remember that, and be cautious and practical toward her.

      Right now, your friend will only think about the present, and about how “she can’t stand” that your husband has decided that he will be distanced from her and her upcoming baby.

      So, again, legally prepare you and your family for a legal proceeding from this woman. Your husband may likely be the biological father, and you need information from a community legal clinic and from a family law lawyer on what to do when she gets a court ordered paternity test, and what to do when your husband tests positive. If your husband is the biological father, you need legal preparation to minimize the amount of money she will ask the court to have your husband pay her. Get legally educated from the community legal clinics that are in your city, and start right now to ask questions on whether your income qualifies you for Legal Aid. And when you don’t qualify for subsidized legal representation from a lawyer, still ask questions at your local community legal clinic. You can get informed about unbundled services that a family law lawyer will do for you, and there are law students who also do pro bono legal services.

  36. Betrayed2x says:

    Honestly, I think this “Kate” person is the whoar my husband had an affair with because she goes by a fictitious name “Kate L—-” on facebook.

  37. Struggling says:

    I see there hasn’t been a comment since August and I’m sorry if I’m posting too late but I am a recent follower of this blog. I am so grateful that someone has made their ordeal public. It makes me feel so much less alone. We’re 4 months out from when he told me. The affair was short, only a few weeks. He made the mistake of not using protection (and obviously the mistake of cheating). She told him after the first time she thought she was pregnant. I feel like it was entrapment from the beginning. She’s just looking for someone to take care of her. We aren’t even sure it’s his yet. She has been a destructive force to say the least. She even tried to ruin his career when we didn’t want to pay for prenatal care. She’s vindictive to say the least. She also won’t stop contacting us. She sends pictures and pretends like I’m the only reason my husband doesn’t want to be involved. Like he’s secretly pining to be with her and her little one. Why? Why are these women so delusional?

    If anything I am more accepting of the possible child than him. I don’t want to be the reason this child doesn’t have a father figure. I don’t want my husband to regret it later. He says that he doesn’t want to be involved at all with the child. I can’t say that I’m disappointed in his decision. He will support his child financially if it’s his but doesn’t want to see her again.

    To make everything worse? We’ve tried to have a baby for a couple of years now. I feel robbed. I feel even more betrayed. I feel like she is stealing that experience from me. I feel that my husband’s carelessness is punishing me even further.

    No one knows what has happened. This is the first time I’ve told anyone. Half the time I’m fine, the other half… I feel like I’m drowning. I just want to thank you again for having this blog. It has been a ray of hope and understanding during this dark time.

  38. In my opinion – a second woman (mistress) CAN NEVER be blamed for a marriage failure (adultery). Why? Well… she wasn’t the one who made the vows. She wasn’t the one in a relationship with you. She wasn’t the one with obligations to you and your children. No, she didn’t manipulate your husband. No, she didn’t tried to steal him (because at the end of the day – you cannot steal a man who doesn’t want to be stolen). No, she didn’t make him do anything. She got off pill – your husband didn’t think of using a condom? He actually fucked a woman raw, not thinking enough about her possible pregnancy or picking up an STD? Did she rape him and made him fuck her raw? No. Cheating is your and ONLY your husband’s fault. Not yours, not the OW. ONLY AND EXCLUSIVELY HIS.

    He refuses to take some responsibilities for his actions. Refused to take care of a child HE CREATE. I mean… I ask once again – did he think about you and your family enough to actually use a condom? What if he gave you an STD?

    I am actually baffled how he convinced you that it’s all that “whore”s fault. Let me tell you something – a happy marriage, healthy and a happy relationship cannot be wrecked. By absolutely anyone.

    I am honestly surprised at your harsh words because you seem like such an intelligent woman who deserves so much more than a man who neglects his own seed. And to think that you actually feel like you’ve won a lottery because he “chose” you and your kids? He chose life he was used to. That’s about it.

    I am disappointed in you though, for not realizing that adultery is ONLY your husband’s fault. He was the one who should have been thinking about protected sex because he was the one who made vows to you and who broke his promises to you. She was single – slept with a man who wanted her and who was willing to sleep with her, too. She isn’t guilty in anything – because she has no obligation to you whatsoever.

    I really hope you find your happiness.
    I think you deserve an honest, faithful man who won’t lie to your face for months & then dumping his mistress when she got pregnant. I think you deserve so much better.

  39. Wow, what a ridiculous comment from “Kate”. That could have been written by my husband’s mistress. What is it with these women? You can justify any way you like but you still got yourself involved with a married man. My husband’s mistress has justified her involvement with my husband by stating that I am “clearly a headcase, a pathetic, nasty, horrible no mark” and a “sad f**k”, oh it goes on. I told her I would not dignify her comments but she responded by saying “dignify this you delusional prick”…who does that after breaking up a family and a long marriage? Don’t get me wrong, the blame is equal with my husband, but I should not be subjected to that. So carry on, Kate, justify away. You know what you did!

  40. dotcablogger says:

    @K

    You wrote:

    ” BAHAHAHAHAHA and you say you aren’t still angry!!!!!

    i feel SO sad for you and all the other scorned women on here who just live with such hate and bitterness and accept it as the best they’re gonna get, and then DELUDE themselves into thinking that they’ve healed! i feel SO sorry for you that this whole situation happened to you, because THIS is the person you’ve become.

    there is NO excuse for your husband not fighting to see his child. NONE. and keep lying to yourself that you have zero influence on his choice. he knows and has always known that staying on your good side at all costs involves and includes neglecting that little girl. you are low and your choice to sit back at watch this baby grow up without a dad will haunt you at a later point in your life. i pray for your soul and the guilt you’ll be dealing with, then.

    sincerely,

    NOT an “ow”, but someone who has been cheated on, and still is able to maintain REAL compassion and common sense.”

    So K why are you picking a fight with the other cheated on wives here? Or the cheated on longtime partners? Why are you vitriolic? So I am asking who whizzed in your cereal to make you Miss Bitchy Pants to women here who are in your situation? And you do have the same situation, which is that you have been cheated on.

    So really why alienate these women by acting superior? Are you really superior with your compassion? This compassion is what? You say you feel sorry for a baby conceived from a fucking between your and others husbands with a woman who had fully intended (in the era of birth control, and rigorous education and access to it) to get pregnant by a married or attached man?

    Why are you having the opinion that RMM is deficient to you in that her own husband did consider having paternal rights as a legal father but chose not to? You don’t bother to read RMM’s clear posts about her husband choosing not to be the legal father, which would mean the right to decision-making about the child’s education / or the child’s training?

    You do read that the Other Woman in RMM’s situation of infidelity is clearly APA psychiatric textbook nuts? So she’s dysfunctional by first choosing to not take her birth control pills (and you have to read that in RRM’s blog) to intentionally get pregnant by RMM’s husband. And this Other Woman in RMM’s case also bargained with RMM’s husband to abort the baby in her uterus if he had divorced RMM and had become her legitimate boyfriend. You did try to read that, right?

    And when you did read, you really have the balls to tell RMM and other cheated on women here that you’re superior because your compassion for the Other Child and to have that kid adopted by RMM’S husband is superior?

    RMM’s husband did agonize over adoption. But you don’t feel compassion for him doing that? He also has his and RMM’s children that they had in their union to protect. And, yes, protect because again the Other Woman in RMM’s situation is a stalker, she uses Family Law to get revenge through her gaining money from child support, she also has schemed by trying to use Canada’s human rights laws to hurt RMM’s husband and his business.

    So you did bother to read RMM’s blog about the Other Woman being told by lawyers that she couldn’t open a human rights court case when she had a civil suit opened in the Family courts? Because you had to read RMM’s explanation in her blog that would have been double dipping or using the legal system twice with two legal cases that were similar?

    However, you don’t bother. You simply don’t bother forming compassion for RMM and for her and her husband’s kids that they know they have to protect from the Other Woman. RMM’s husband chose to not be a legal decision-maker for the Other Child only because the Other Woman would have belittled, bitched at and just have been a truly bad person to him, RMM and their kids through daily contact with him as he would have had to be exposed to her as he daily involved himself with the Other Child because of being a legal guardian.

    Hmmm, if you do have kids that you had with your husband, then why do you never consider the priority to protect your own children when the Other Woman is clearly a bad person to her core who would belittle, bitch at, and curse you and your kids daily because your husband chose to daily involve himself as a legal guardian to the Other Child?

    This choice that RMM’s husband did really came down to protecting his and RMM’s kids from the Other Woman by him not becoming a legal guardian who would have been in daily contact with her kid. The Other Child is her mom’s kid, and where this child goes that woman is always there. And she is clearly not a nice person and has made clear that she will hurt RMM’s husband with bitchy drivel and bad attitude toward him and his family, which is RMM and their kids.

    So he can’t be the father because the Other Woman is out to hurt him in any way possible. So this includes being an ass to his kids that he had with RMM.

    And, again, try to have compassion for his choice because it protects his and RMM’s kids from a wicked bitch.

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