There. I said it. I have a stalker. It is my husband’s ex-mistress. I kid you not, she actually does stalk me. Perhaps I should be flattered that someone has taken such a long-standing interest in what I do, where I go, what my family is up to, how my business is operating, and whether there is “trouble in paradise”, but I don’t. Frankly, I just wish she would grow up and move on.
Now, when pressed, of course, she will feign ignorance (it is part of her passive aggressive nature), and claim instead that her “friends” are checking up on me, my business, what is going on in my life, all because they “care” about her. Now I should be frank and say that I am not sure these “friends” actually exist. I am not saying that to be mean, it is simply a contemplative thought because as a woman, us women tend not to gravitate towards those who manipulate, coerce, guilt, tantrum, rope-in and abuse the people they have relationships with. Wonen like that are hard to get along with. They are hard to be at ease around. They put you on edge, make you walk on eggshells and are generally unpleasant. A person who responds to situations with this kind of hatred, animosity, selfishness, ignorance and entitlement can’t possible have many people around them.
Long before the affair was admitted, she was interested in me. Perhaps it is part of the mistress agenda to get to know as much about the wife (the competition) as possible, in the same way that the betrayed wife ends up wanting to know as much about the mistress as she can. From a tactical perspective, it certainly makes sense, but it doesn’t make it any more acceptable to me.
It started when she saved joke emails sent by my husband which had also been sent to my family members in unison. Therefore, their email addresses were visible, and I guess she thought they would come in handy. She would later use these emails when she created a fake email account in order to divulge the details of the affair to my family members. She started watching my twitter feed to see what I was posting and what we were up to. Were we going away on vacation, were we having a good time, were we happy? She needed to know, and twitter was the fastest way to gain that information. While she never formally followed me on twitter (i.e. didn’t link our accounts to get auto-updates), she would check the feed manually, and often. Via twitter she was able to learn what I was up to, my state of mind…you get the idea.
Over the course of several months, while the affair relationship was ongoing, she visited my twitter feed often, learning little details about my thoughts, feelings, whereabouts, happiness in my marriage. She probably felt like she was spying on us virtually. I guess it’s a good thing I don’t post everything to twitter I had once tweeted that I found it interesting that the Tiffany’s jewelry store has a wish list which you can create and then email to your husband/boyfriend so that he knows what you like. “How convenient!”, I thought, even though I am not a big jewelry wearer. My husband had indicated a desire to buy me a Tiffany’s key, which had led me to the site in the first place, and my observation of there being a wish list was simply my being impressed that such a thing was possible. During the texting marathon that she and my husband engaged in in the wake of the affair disclosure, she commented: “Oh I am sure this isn’t bother [your wife] one little bit. All it takes is some Tiffany’s jewelry, and she is satisfied” and some further comments about how shallow I am that jewelry will make this all better. For the record, I don’t wear a lot of jewelry. I have worn the same diamond solitaire earrings in my ears since 2001 when my first son was born. They were a gift from my husband on the birth of our first child. We called them my “push present”. I thought it was adorable. They’ve remained in my ears ever since, and it has now been 10 years. My watch was purchased for me on my 5th wedding anniversary and is the only one I own. My wedding band and engagement ring adorn my ring finger, and the 4th finger of my opposite hand has a family ring that my husband bought as the ‘push present’ for our last child. I never take any of it off. I am not one of those who rotates her jewelry, or showcases various pieces from her collection. I am far too low maintenance to “accessorize” – just one more thing to think about, so I don’t bother. I never have. Her comment about me being shallow could not be further from the truth, but what can I expect from a woman who has already painted me with her brush, and who will refuse to see any information that contradicts her fixed false belief. To do so would be a waste of my time. If she should ever read this, perhaps this will let her know that she was horribly inaccurate.
She then visited the blog that I maintain for my business, and attempted to leave a cloaked comment about her relationship with my husband because she thought my consumers might want to “support me”. Her comment was never published. I moderate my blog for this reason.
Two days after the affair was disclosed, my husband and I decided we needed a night out to ourselves. We’d just been through the ringer, and really craved some alone time, a place where we could talk – uninterrupted. I tweeted that day that we were going on a date, and she later referenced that in a text, saying “You’re going on a DATE? What, are you using me and this situation to IMPROVE your marriage?”. The answer to that, a resounding YES. We had a family friend come to watch the kids, and she called our home 27 times that evening, hanging up each time she reached voicemail. Our sitter doesn’t answer the phone, and allows each call to go to voicemail, but after the 28th attempt, she picked up the phone in order to ask “what the heck is wrong with you that you are calling here so often?”, and our sitter was then treated to a monologue detailing the affair, what a bitch I must be, and how my husband LOVES her. Interesting take on it sweetie.
Over the next few months, she was legally prohibited from contacting us directly or via email, text messages, because we obtained legal counsel. She was asked to cease and desist, and threatened with court action if her behaviour wasn’t amended. Being the sneaky conniving person she is, and believing that she outsmarts other people, she tried to find other ways of accidentally conveying information she wanted us to know, and ways to harm our family. She emailed us the ultrasound images for her baby, and mentioned that she was keeping the baby now, based on some comments she’d heard me say about how “important family is”. Whatever. My husband never bothered to open the email, he isn’t interested.
A few quiet months went by with several cloaked attempts to contact us. She emailed my husband a couple of times, trying to make it appear as though he was simply on her ‘distribution list’, and that his inclusion was merely an oversight.
She would later send another email, this time directly, telling him that she thought she was in the hospital for early labour and was going to put into effect protective orders for her and her baby into place, preventing him from accessing them, and protecting the baby from “his abuse”. Along with our lawyer, we all got some pretty intense belly-aching laughs out of that one because, as our lawyer so gingerly pointed out, most women who are genuinely afraid of a potential attacker don’t typically send them an email telling them where they can be found. These same people who are terrified of their aggressor don’t often also give the baby his surname. She really thinks other people don’t see through her lame-ass behaviour. It was merely an excuse to mention the baby, gain contact with him, and test whether he cares for her or not. Newsflash: he doesn’t.
She decides to see how this whole Twitter thing works, and creates an account for herself. Every tweet she makes is about the baby, how excited she is, how this is such a gift, how friends and family are chomping at the bit to babysit, yada yada yada. She went on in later tweets to name him as the father of the child (when this had not yet even been confirmed), made mention of how everyone knew about the affair except me, and hoped that her daughter didn’t end up being an “idiot-savante” like her father. We were actually impressed that she was able to use that word in a sentence. Triple point score! (She won’t get that reference either, so I will save her the trouble and mention it has to do with scrabble). Words aren’t her strong suit.
Not satisfied that her twitter feed isn’t being read by ANYONE, and that I may never stumble across it, she decided to mention the usernames of some of my friends in one of her tweets. I should mention, for those not well versed in twitter, that if you mention someone’s twitter username in a tweet, they will be notified that they were mentioned, and directed to the tweet. So, she baited some of the people I have listed as friends on twitter (she looks at my account, remember), by mentioning them, and hoping they would come see her page. They did, and I was immediately sent 5 emails asking what the heck was going on. I simply told them it’s my crazy stalker causing trouble, and nothing was ever said about it again. Obviously she thinks outsiders care much more about this situation than they actually do. Truthfully, people are far too consumed with themselves to give due attention to anyone else’s shit.
Given that her behaviour in creating her twitter account was to slander my husband and I, and to cause us psychological harm, she was asked to disable her account and take down her tweets. She feigned ignorance about how to do that, attempting to buy herself more time for the information to be publicly available. I was asked to send her written instructions on how to disable a twitter account. I was happy to provide the help, as I am always about helping those less fortunate than I.
She discovers, via Twitter, that my husband and I are throwing a holiday party in our home. I tweet some images of the decor and preparations. Within a couple of hours, she sends a text message to a friend of ours she suspects will be at the party to inform him that she and my husband had sex, and that she had recently given birth to a baby girl. He received the text message, shook his head, and refused to reply. He, like many others, simply didn’t find her worth his time. He had worked with her and my husband, so she had obtained his cell phone by said means. Given that she desperately hopes for her behaviour to have immediate impact, his apathy to the situation and lack of reply pushed her to try a little harder…she called and left a message at his home. His wife, also our friend, heard the message, and not aware of who this was, or what this was about, called back in order to make sense of the ridiculousness of her assertions and winds up in a 10 minute conversation with her, where once again, she felt the need to divulge all of the details. What she probably didn’t know was that our friend, and the woman on the other end of the phone, is a psychiatrist. It certainly was interesting to hear, from a psychiatric perspective, what she thought about this woman.
Upset that her recent request to receive $3000.00 per month above the regular child support payment to cover the cost of a private nanny was denied, she decided to lash out. She called my husband’s workplace and lodged a formal complaint about him. She did so anonymously, but does she really think we wouldn’t know that it was her? He doesn’t have any other crazy stalker mistresses out there with the same backstory…She mentioned in her complaint, that she had been employed by him, outside of this current job, that he fathered her child, and that he was defaulting on child support payments. I should mention that her past point, about him defaulting on child support is completely false. He pays each payment on time, by post dated cheques, and is completely fulfilling his financial obligation. To say that he was not constitutes slander. I am sure she has no idea she broke the law when she mentioned untruths in an attempt to tarnish his reputation. Her desire was to paint him as irresponsible and morally corrupt , and not deserving of a position of influence within the organization. Her attempt failed miserably, as the complaint was directed to his colleague who extended my husband a great deal of sympathy, and admitted that he too had once had a crazy woman involved in his life, attempting to destroy his marriage. He was familiar with the “type”, and would ensure that he would be personally handling any further dealings with the complainant.
So here we are, in March of 2011, so what comes next? Stay tuned to find out if the craziness continues. This image so fits with her personality: